How Does Emily Elizabeth Clean Up Clifford's Poops?

Clifford, The Big Red Dog, looks to have the body make-up of a lab.  Every time a lab poops, the pile could be molded into the exact shape of their back leg.  That's a lot of fecal matter!

Now, imagine Clifford.  A pile the size of his back leg - once a day!  Emily Elizabeth is quite small, Mrs. Howard is too nice, and Mr. Howard is cranky and gets surprised easily.  I can't see any of them being able to shovel the stuff on a regular basis.

Say they were able to at least shovel it up?  Where would they put it then?  In the trash?  They would need a large dumpster for their weekly garbage service.  I would think they would be better off contracting with a farmer to come and scoop the turds up and disc it into his fields.  Assuming the Howard family lives close to a rural community, this would be a good compromise.

Still, that solution doesn't address what to do with the poops while Clifford is out for a walk.  In every book, Clifford goes somewhere.  Most of the time, it's an all day affair.  He goes to the fire station.  He heads off to the pool.  He has hiccups and goes to the vet.  Where does he poop?  Emily Elizabeth cannot stuff a plastic grocery bag in her back pocket and expect to grab the steamy stuff up with her gloved hand.  Does she take a shovel and a wheelbarrow with her?  I never see one in the pictures.

I need to know the answer to this question.  No, my KIDS need to know the answer.  Once we have been sufficiently satisfied, we can move on to the subject of Clifford's thrice per day, rivers of pee.

Christians Should Love and Accept Homosexuals

The rhetoric of the day from fundamentalist Christianity, the American religious right, and others is that the god of the Bible, whom they serve, hates homosexuality.  Some say that he even hates homosexuals themselves.  They have good reason to.  It says so in the Bible.

If a man lies with a male as with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination.  They shall surely be put to death. - Leviticus 20:13

Other passages in the New Testament section of the Bible condemn homosexuality, as well, even stating that you will not be able to get into heaven if you're gay (We won't mention drunkards, idolators, adulturers, fornicators, thieves, etc.  You're all going to hell too.)

So, the logical conclusion for a Christian is to say that god hates homosexuals, wants them dead, and even better, the issue is reiterated in the New Testament, validating the issue.

I would argue that you are wrong - dead wrong. 

First of all, as society progresses, our understanding of humanity changes.  We no longer look at an alcoholic as someone who should be cast out of society.  We help them.  But let us look at an argument that was a big deal back in the early 19th century.

At that time in history, many nations, including the whole continent of Europe had abolished the terrible practice of slavery.  If they hadn't abolished it, they had scaled back the practice.  In Britain, the home country was slave free whereas the empire still allowed it.  Much was said in the halls of parliament about abolishing slavery throughout the empire.  It would take many years for this to actually happen, but happen it did.

In America, by the 1830's, many politicians and upstanding citizens had spoken out against slavery and had branded it a "peculiar practice".  This incensed many slave owners and their apologists came out of the woodwork, claiming that slavery was ordained by god himself.  Not only was it ordained by god, but it was good and right.  They had much in the way of proof from the pages of Scripture.

Many passages in Genesis speak of the ownership of slaves as a foregone conclusion.  God even blessed the actions of those slaves that did exactly what their master told them to do - as in the story of Abraham and his servant who went after Rebekah.  Isaac was given many slaves, male and female, so that god could make him the envy of his enemies.

In Leviticus 25, the same God who demanded that homosexuals be killed (the same homosexuals who Paul said could not get into heaven), made it a rule that the Israelites could buy slaves from the surrounding nations.  Israelites could not be slaves.  After the slaves were purchased, God called them property and even sanctioned the bequeathing of said slaves to the sons of the slave owner.  This practice would continue forever, or at least until the slaves died.  At the very end of his rules, god says that the Israelites could not own Israelites.  He ends this rule by saying, "but you can't rule over your own kin ruthlessly."  It would seem that this was a sanction to rule over those who were NOT their kin, ruthlessly.

Solomon made all non-Israelite men, slaves, to do hard labor for his great kingdom while making all Israelite men higher class soldiers.  In fact, the Bible, the inspired word of God, says that they are slaves to this day. 

We can look at it in another way too.  Throughout the Old Testament, hundreds of times, God refers to people who do his bidding as "my servants."  Even the human/God relationship is master/slave. 

Books of the New Testament also refer to slaves as if it is normal.  1 Corinthians 12:13, Galatians 3:28.  Pay special attention to Ephesian 6:5-9.  Paul gives very special instructions to slaves and masters and how they are to treat one another. 

There is much more in the Bible about slavery than there is about homosexuality.  In fact, most of the verses that are referenced in the New Testament that people claim have something to do with homosexuality simply don't.  They are hyper-interpreted to inject this "sin" into the text when many other things could be read into it.

These slavery passages propped up the arguments of the apologists for slavery in those times, but ultimately, they lost.  They lost to the common understanding of the worth of human life in those days.  Prominent abolitionists also made arguments from the same holy text, claiming that, though slavery was sanctioned by God, it shouldn't be practiced today.  They had to go through plenty of theological pretzels to get to that conclusion, but it was still successful.  Slavery was abolished and is no longer a part of America. 

But, keep this in mind.  Slavery is also thundered against from the pulpit.  It is now viewed as a sin.  Holding human beings against their will and everything else that goes along with the practice.  Slavery is spit at, condemned, verbally fought against, and products manufactured by virtual slaves are boycotted from every ministerial pulpit in America.  Then, the condemnation of homosexuals is heavily preached, as well, in many circles of religion.

Why?  Why is slavery, sanctioned by God, re-sanctioned by Paul with rules for doing it right, and spoken of many many times more than homosexuality, a serious problem, while homosexuality - spoken of only a few times, the sentence for which was death, unable to get to heaven because of the practice - is condemned?

Homosexuals are just as human as slaves were.  We abolished the practice of human abuse called "slavery" due to our common understanding of the worth of mankind.  In fact, we poked our finger in God's and Paul's eye to make the argument to do so.  In the same way, we can now abolish the practice of the human abuse of rejecting, ostracizing, and condemning homosexuals.  We have rejected God's words - correctly - about slavery.  We can now - correctly - ignore what the Bible says about homosexuality.

Are you with me?

I. C.

That horrid customer who happens to be in your party

You've all been there.  You took a special someone, a friend, a group of friends, or even your in-laws out to a restaurant.  You sit down at the table and the worst evening of your life starts.

First, that special someone complains that the air conditioning vent is above her chair so she nudges your father-in-law and in a voice that can be heard three tables over, says, "It's too cold here!  Go get them to turn the air down!"  Then, the menu is too small or has finger prints on it.  The coffee mug has imaginary water stains on it and she studies it very carefully, loudly exclaiming that "there better not be a lipstick stain on here."

Then, the server comes by and she spends what seems to be an hour ordering her food.  Everything needs to be explained to her, even the way the restaurant makes their macaroni and cheese.  The salad dressing is very important as well.  When the restaurant has run out of ranch and only has a spicy mushroom sauce, she brings down the hammer and takes a poll from the rest of the guests, whether or not they had ever experienced such shoddy service.  You look at your napkin and pretend not to hear, aching inside for the server.

Then the food comes and it isn't hot enough or it's too hot.  The onions are too raw or the butter flows too quickly on the plate.  The mashed potatoes have chunks in them.  Anything that could go wrong does.  Then, you notice that the server has been given many tables to serve and is having trouble working the shift as efficiently as she wants to.  But your mother-in-law doesn't notice and treats the server as her own personal servant.

More napkins.  Fewer napkins when more are brought.  Please take this plate....oh...and take this fork too, and with a snap of her capable fingers, tries to get the attention of another guest across the table, getting them to pass their unused spoon. 

At the end of the meal, the talk of the tip.  "She doesn't deserve much.  She wasn't quick on her feet and didn't keep track of us at all.  The food was bad, blah, blah, blah..."

I nod in empty agreement as I write a 40% tip in the Tip column of the receipt.  Someone has to pay for their trouble. 

Nobody likes to be treated poorly.  Even if they do a bad job, an encouraging word will turn it around in time.  What if the server had a bad day?  A bad week?  A bad year?  Family problems can wreak havoc on a person.  Financial issues, as well.  We all know servers are rich and have no problems.

Be kind to those who serve you.

I. C.