Huh? What is he even saying!?

I read this quote from a patriarchal bloke.  Seriously.  I read it four times.  I still don't know what the hell he is talking about.  Someone please interpret this for me.  Is he for or against polygamy.  What does marital licensing from the state have to do with polygamy.  What the hell is this guy saying!?

My favorite part:

Just these couple of sentences bring up lots of issues. I’m very interested in any opinions on this (as long as they are Christian). The others…I have no clue how to deal with people who don’t have a moral authority in their life. Go somewhere else.

Nice.  He's asking questions about morality and then claims others have no moral authority.  What the hell is he asking questions for then?  If HE has moral authority in his life, he should know all the answers.

Yeah yeah...  I know.  You'll come back with "he's asking for interpretation from the Bible - God's word - which is the TRUE moral authority.

Tell that to the raped and murdered women, men, and children, upon God's orders, in that moral book.  Tell that to the slaves that were not Jewish.  Tell that to the millions and billions of people who didn't get the riddle of life just right, so they ended up dead and in hell.  Tell that to homosexuals, whom God ordered murdered.  Tell that to women who didn't scream while being raped - who also were ordered to be murdered because, obviously, they wanted it. (The man got to go free, by the way.)

Yeah...don't even begin to talk to me about moral authority while waving the Bible in my face.

Babies Are Evil and Can Kill You In Your Sleep

Cue the venerable Voddie Baucham from Grace Family Baptist Church in Spring, TX.

No Longer Quivering, in their Quoting Quiverfull series, lifted a piece of this gentleman's sermon titled, The Doctrine of Total Depravity, a cornerstone of not only uber-fundamentalism, but also the popularized Calvinism of John Piper (Piper Boy) and Marc Driscoll (Strawberry Boy) of infamy.

Baucham stated the following:

One of the reasons that God makes human babies small is so they won’t kill their parents in their sleep. They’re evil. Yes, this is true of children. ‘None is righteous; no, not one.’…Yes, that little, precious one—you better believe it. If you don’t, you miss the big picture and you don’t realize your desperate need to get the gospel to your child again and again and again and again.

Yes.  You read that correctly.  Babies are not only evil, but they can kill you if they were bigger.  And thus, the obvious conclusion is that they need the gospel, because, everyone who doesn't believe in the gospel murders their parents in their sleep.

Imagine that! A sleepwalking, pacifier sucking, poopy diapered, little urchin, coming at you with a zombie stare and a rigid arm, fingers tightly gripping a knife, forearm swinging roboticly in a downward motion.  Okay...right, babies killing their parents while the parents sleep.  I know.  It was just funnier the other way.

So, the next time you look at your baby, look deep into their perfect eyes.  See the murder there?  The evil?  The spiritual depravity?  Oh...you don't?  Look deeper....

Here's my advice.

Kiss your damn baby and give them a hug so tight they get the point that you love them.  Then release the hug. You don't want to stop their breathing.  Then enjoy that precious perfection.  They deserve your unconditional love.  Not your scorn and hatred for what others say they are, based on artificial truthisms from ancient cultures who had no idea that a woman's menstrual cycle was a natural occurrence, rather than an evil issue.

And celebrate the menstrual cycle too, while you're at it.