Phil Robertson Does Not Hate You

I'm an atheist. I have views that I firmly believe in. If you asked me questions about religion, history, politicians, hunting, computers, or anything you might decide to ask me questions about, my answers would be beloved by many and yet disparaged by many more.

And yet, as I answer your questions, you will understand a simple truth about me:

I don't care if you don't agree with me. I will still love you and serve you dinner at my table.

Enter Phil Robertson, the poorly-named "patriarch" of the extended family, depicted on A & E's Duck Dynasty. I say "poorly-named" because, as you read the actual article in GQ, you'll see that the family loves this man, and yet he holds no iron grip or sway over them at all. They are all independent-minded individuals, holding similar beliefs, and yet love life like the rest of us do - most of us, anyway.

The problem with the recent hoopla about Phil's words in the GQ article is two-fold:

First, very few people actually read the article, as I have pored over it, and have minimal context to derive their opinions from. Second, in some respects, Phil's words were grossly misinterpreted. 

For example, nowhere did Phil ever equate homosexuality with bestiality or even suggest that the latter was derived from the former. In that quote, he merely listed a bunch of sexual acts that he deems sinful, according to his fundamentalist belief system. Included in that list was promiscuity.

The Religious/Political Right, including the American Family Association's Bryan Fischer DO actually say that homosexuality leads to bestiality and pedophilia. But Phil Robertson is not a card-carrying member of that movement. 

I like the guy. He watches too much Fox News and is obviously misinformed (e.g., he believes Mitt Romney was from Salt Lake City, UT; he thinks cultures that have no Jesus are the only cultures that kill people). He also has fundamentalist beliefs within his religion that dictate his idea of sin. He leaves the cantankerous judgments up to "The Almighty" and prefers to just spout the "Gospel," all the theological doctrines of salvation by Jesus Christ.

If you're gay, Phil does not hate you. If you're black, Phil does not hate you. If you're promiscuous, Phil does not hate you. Hell, if you have sex with animals, Phil does not hate you. He just thinks you need to repent and life will be perfect.

And, in the meantime, while you continue in your sin, he'll take you out into the swamps and hunt the f*ck out of the land with you. He'll serve you dinner and preach at you until you change the subject. His kids will ignore him and play games on their phones.

As much as I may disagree with Phil, I much rather his brand of religion and see a greater worth in winning the war of ideas against the Political/Religious Right. 

Carry on. Phil is not the problem.

Bryan Fischer: "Heterosexuality is a Choice"

Yes.  I know he said homosexuality was a choice, but his argument logically leads to my conclusion that he should also believe that heterosexuality is a choice.  After all, if a homosexual's selective process for picking sexual partners proves that homosexuality is a choice, then the same for heterosexuality.

Okay, okay.  I might be wrong.  When I met Kristine, she forced me to marry her.  It's been a miserable 11.5 years.  Pretty sure all other heterosexuals are forced into their marriages by no fault of their own selective process.  We're all mindless robots, grabbing the first sexual partner that comes across our unassuming nakedness and is thus compelled to sleep with us.

Ah, the world through Fischer's eyes.

And, for the record, I am the happiest man in the world, with my wife.  Just to be sure you didn't catch the dry sarcasm.

Watch Fischer blow hot air....

Edit, 5/1/2013 10:30 AM CST:

To me, whether or not homosexuality is a choice is as important as whether my fellow employees in my office like potato chips rather than Doritos.  Who gives a sh*t!  You are who you are, regardless of how you got there.  The argument that we MUST find a gay gene to silence the opposition is simpleton foolishness.  That side cares nothing about science anyway and actually thinks the game is rigged.  Worse, they will simply attribute it to "the fall of man" or "the curse of Eve" (remember, it's Eve's fault we are in this sinful mess, in the first place... if only Adam had kept that damn woman in line...geez!!!).

Enough already.  So you're gay.  Nice.  Oh!  Lesbian!?  Sweet!  Well.... I love chocolate cake, despise chocolate ice cream, and my genetic make-up requires me to drink coffee.  It's all a bunch of head fakey bullshit.

If You're Gay, You Can't Be a Christian

Jennifer LeClaire, Editor of Charisma Magazine, recently wrote a low-key piece about NBA player, Jason Collins and his announcement that he was gay, in an interview with Sports Illustrated.

I don't really take issue with her approach.  She goes out of her way to praise him for his talents and heap admiration on his head for what she considers an integral member of any basketball team.  I also don't take issue with most of her beliefs.  She comes from a brand of Christianity that states that homosexuality is a sin and thus must be repented of.  Plenty of people believe this and still treat gay people very well.

What I DO have issue with is twofold.

1. Jennifer LeClaire is not saying that homosexuality is a sin.  She is actually saying that the fact that Jason Collins is a homosexual determines his genuine faith status.  Essentially, he is not a true Christian since he is gay.

2. Jennifer LeClaire refuses to believe that someone can be happy, or be without envy, fear, misery, living a lie, suicidal thoughts, etc. without Jesus Christ, whatever that means.  (Yes, I know what it means in jargon-speak, but what does it really mean?!)

Let's look at my first issue:

The Bible clearly states that only the god of it knows the heart.  Here, LeClaire is armchair umpiring from the cheap seats, acting as if she were that god, determining from afar, the spiritual condition (as if there was such a thing) of an individual, simply because he says that he is gay.  There is no room for his words that he follows the teachings of Jesus to be true.  In LeClaire's world, she gets to raise her index finger, wiggle it back and forth and yell, "Nuh uh!!!!".

No, according to LeClaire, a clear litmus test to being a Christian at all is the pure and unadulterated rejection of homosexuality.  The minute you claim homosexuality, it makes no difference how many children you save from abusive homes, tying millstones around their parent's necks and throwing them into the sea, it makes no difference how many poor and widowed you feed, clothe, and house, it makes no difference what you say the condition of your heart is, it makes absolutely not a lick of difference what your personal faith is to you.

Nay nay!  LeClaire knows!  You are cut off from Jesus Christ because you committed the cardinal sin above all cardinal sins - you gay, baby!  Nevermind that Christianity used to treat divorce like homosexuality and now embraces it, opting for support groups and coffee, rather than outright declarations of impending hell fire.  Nevermind that the Christian church used to...well...you get the point.  Let's move on to my second issue.

I'm an atheist.  Yes.  You know that.  I grew up in uber-fundamentalist Christianity.  The Bill Gothard, Doug Phillips, homeschooling, singing from a hymnal, rock music is of the devil, Jesus will heal you of all mental issues kind - under an abusive and mentally impaired, single Mama.  But I'm now an atheist.

And guess what!?  I'm happy.  I have envy at times, but I don't see it as a sin.  That's a stupid rule anyway.  I'm not fearful.  I fear my kids getting run over by a car and I fear my wife never wanting to make love to me again.  But again, having no fear is unrealistic and also a stupid rule.  I'm not miserable.  I am not living a lie.  I have no suicidal thoughts.

And I don't "have Jesus".

LeClaire, and many other Christians, have no idea how to deal with people who are happy with who they are - without Jesus.  They resort to that finger waving again, yelling, "Nuh uh!  You're deceived!  You just THINK you're happy!  But really....JESUS!!!!!"

But no.  I'm happy.  And I know some miserable Christians who would be the first to tell me that Jesus brings them happiness - living a lie.

This brings me to LeClaire's worst offense in this article.  She says that Collins' sigh of relief and freedom he feels from shedding his burden is a big lie.  According to LeClaire, he can't possibly be feeling anything remotely genuine because he doesn't follow her creed and fit her profile for the perfect, non-gay, Christian.

Finally, I will make an attempt at armchair umping.

Jason Collins is happy!!!!!  He says so himself.  And I think I'm satisfied with his declaration of mirthiness.

By the Way, I'm Not Gay

***WARNING******WARNING******WARNING******WARNING******WARNING******

The following post is VERY controversial. In ways, I find that unfortunate. It is the raw scrapings of my heart and if you read it, you will discover the real me and more than likely will write me off forever due to the shocking reality of my despicable morality.

***WARNING******WARNING******WARNING******WARNING******WARNING******

I wrote a post about a week ago that mentioned many reasons that I was no longer a “Christian” as defined by that non-exhaustive list. The list included important items like who God is, who Jesus Christ is, whether or not Jesus Christ is singularly sufficient, and much more. It even included odd-ball items like not needing to eat organic foods, homeschooling, and in a later comment, tithing.

I received about half-a-dozen comments in private and in public, affirming many of the items. A few follow-up comments required some clarification on my part.

The idea I was trying to get across was that, for the rest of my life, I will be seeking the truth of who God is, whether God is, who Jesus Christ is, the basic nature of faith, how my faith fits in with the basic nature of faith, how to treat other people, how to view the Bible, and, among others, what is truth and what is fairy tale about heaven and hell. My point was that I did not have to, nor should I be required to settle on a certain creed or creeds so that others could validate my status as a “Christian”. Or, said in a different way, all Christians have different walks in life while the common defining thread connecting us is our belief in Jesus Christ.

What shocked me was the private and public disagreement on one item on the list that seemed to me to be a non-foundational issue. “Shocked” may be a poor choice of a word, keeping in mind the current sociopolitical discourse.

The item was: “If being a Christian means that I must believe that homosexuality is wrong, I am lost. ”

That's it. The thing is, I'm not settled on the answer and I never intend to be. If I do decide it is wrong, I'm going to be forced into some sort of life flip-flop every time I talk to or hang out with some of my dear friends who are gay. I'm going to have to have that nagging, gnawing feeling every time I approach or chat with my gay relatives. If I decide it isn't wrong, I will be alienating many of the people I love. In fact, the issue is so important to some, that they may reject me as a legitimate human being – one that cannot be trusted or easily dismissed as foolish, regardless of the wisdom of my words on related or unrelated subjects.

So, I rest in the gray area of, “I don't care.” I don't! It doesn't bother me one bit. I see it as a person liking ketchup on eggs, rather than mustard. It doesn't define a person for me. In fact, I have never been asked why I am a heterosexual or even been given the thumbs up for passing a “Christianity” litmus test of liking the opposite sex, rather than the same sex.

But, let us, for argument sake, say that being gay is sinful. With that premise, I am going to tell you something you didn't know about me to prove that being a heterosexual deserves a higher status in the eyes of those who deem homosexuality as the unforgivable sin.

• I have uttered thousands, perhaps millions of swear words. And no, not when I whack my thumb with a hammer. I have yelled them at my children, used them in names for my children when they did not do as I asked, used them against my wife in arguments – to win some stupid battle that seemed important at the time. I have yelled them at The Minnesota Twins, politicians, bad drivers, excellent drivers, police officers, pastors, parishioners, patriarchal types, people who disagree with me, my siblings, my mother, my father, relatives, the weather, every one of my vehicles, stinging bees, skunks that jump into my lane and lay down on the road in perfect alignment with my front passenger tire, neighbor's dogs that go to the bathroom on my lawn, people who write better than me, people who don't swear, people who tell me not to swear, those who say swearing is healthy, parents who spank, those who write me off as a bitter young man, my dull razor, the alarm clock, children throwing up, and so much more that I have forgotten.

Repulsed yet? You should be. I am a horrible person. Sure, I'm working on my mouth, but, at the moment it defines who I am. But people consider me a good person, worthy of heaven – and a person who is gay – not so much. A good person? What good person yells at children, using horrible language? What good person calls his wife names when he is losing an argument? WHO DOES THAT???!!!

I have and still do, at times.

Frankly, if anyone was deserving of hell, it would be me. The argument of “It's not the static sin, it's the LIVING in sin that is at issue so you're ok, but a gay person is not,” falls flat because, after all, who is living in sin more than me? Maybe not the swearing part, but most definitely HOW I swear and who I project the words toward.

Maybe you rate sin. Swearing is only half bad. Homosexuality is horrible. If that is the case, I challenge you to send me a list of your sin ratings and I will check off EVERY SINGLE ONE, except for homosexuality, divorce, and physically cheating on my wife.

But, there is a catch. I will be using measures that we find in Matthew 5 – 7 during Jesus' sermon on the mount.

Jesus looked at the Pharisees and acknowledged that they were following the law. But then, he said, “But I say to you...” and then he revealed the true purpose of the law. Never having murdered was most excellent and deserved the awe and respect of their fellow man. But, hating their brother? Never having committed adultery was awesome. But, so much as looking at a woman to lust after her? Yes, the law was a base standard that man could prove on the outside that he was perfect. But God cared about the heart condition. And, keeping the heart condition clean and non-depraved was impossible. Jesus said, “Be perfect!” And, “If you break one law, you've broken them all.” And later, “He who has never sinned, let him cast the first stone.”

Assuming homosexuality is a sin, I am convinced that the standard must be that we should do as Jesus so succinctly said: “All the laws and the words of the prophets can be summed up by loving God and people.”

As I stated above, I don't care to put a label on the morality of the subject. I have way too much invested in people to let a little thing like their lifestyle choice get in the way of some of the best friendships I could ever ask for. In fact, to put it in perspective, my gay friends inquire about my marriage and my love life all the time in normal conversation.

And never once have they judged me for being a heterosexual.