Hi! My name is Liz, and I found this blog while researching the Duggars. Before watching the show, I'd never heard of “Quiverfull”, “patriarchy”, Bill Gothard...any of it. I was raised in a legalistic church that strangled any freedom, grace, and love even, so these blogs stirred up a lot of stuff for me. I reached out and was asked to share my story, so here goes.
I was raised in the Allegheny Wesleyan Methodist (Original Allegheny Conference) Church. (Gotta get the name right; the church sued for the right to use it after a VERY IMPORTANT split with a part of the church that began disagreeing about some of the rules.) It's wrong to sue people generally - says so right there in the Bible - but over the name of the church, well, that's different! Especially when it's the One True Church. Only the members of the Allegheny Wesleyan Methodist Church (AWMC) will get to go to heaven. Everyone else is lost.
I was raised in the Allegheny Wesleyan Methodist (Original Allegheny Conference) Church. (Gotta get the name right; the church sued for the right to use it after a VERY IMPORTANT split with a part of the church that began disagreeing about some of the rules.) It's wrong to sue people generally - says so right there in the Bible - but over the name of the church, well, that's different! Especially when it's the One True Church. Only the members of the Allegheny Wesleyan Methodist Church (AWMC) will get to go to heaven. Everyone else is lost.
AWMC was built on the teachings of that great and good (*snort) John Wesley. I'm 43 years old, and it has never dawned on me until just now that the very name of the church is basically Wesley's methods. Methods to bring salvation, keep it, keep the people submitted and bound up. Maybe you'd think The One True Church should be built on Jesus' teachings, but you'd be wrong. The one I was born into was built on John Wesley's. Just an accident of birth, I guess.
I'm going to share the beliefs of the church, then get into my story:
AWMC believes in two works of grace: First, salvation. When you confess that you suck, and always will suck...I mean…when you confess your sins. This is best done at the altar at church, where you get to parade your “suckiness” in front of everybody. Salvation can be lost with a sneeze, by the way.
The second work of grace is sanctification. This is where the roots of sin (the very thing that makes you sin) are removed. After this you'll be a holy robot…er…person. The roots of sin are evidenced by anger (the big one), jealousy, pride...all the negative emotions we exemplify as humans. To be sanctified, you have to "be willing." While sometimes you are given specific things you have to be willing to do, for the most part, it means denying all of your natural feelings, denying your person-hood, and denying any rights you have to that person-hood. Since this isn't easy to do, you'll be encouraged to "pray clear through", which was never really explained. Basically, you have to make yourself miserable in prayer any way you can. Self-punishment, if that is what it takes, is encouraged, also.
While the church was vaguely patriarchal, women did have rights – as long as we stayed in our place. The husband is the head of the home, and women really have no thoughts worthy of being expressed, but it wasn't the blanket oppression I've found while reading other stories of ultra-conservative Christianity and patriarchy. It was expected that young women get married, keep house, and have kids, but we could choose to do something else without endangering our souls. The church also didn't care how many kids we had.
The big oppression was the outer standards, and the denial of the right to be a well-rounded, feeling person. According to the church's standards, the Duggars are LIBERAL. The church I was raised in took the Duggars' standards and ran with them. Yes, we had to wear dresses or skirts. We had to have long hair, but it had to be up in a bun. Sleeves had to come past our elbows. Just the women's. Men were exempt. Back in the day, somebody, John Wesley maybe, declared that our elbows looked like breasts. There must be something wrong with my breasts!! Or maybe it's my elbows, I don't know. At any rate, they look nothing alike!! We weren't allowed open-toed shoes. We had to wear panty hose. We weren't allowed to wear any kind of stretchy material for shirts without a blouse underneath. Those pesky elbows…er… breasts, had to be bound at all costs.
While the church was vaguely patriarchal, women did have rights – as long as we stayed in our place. The husband is the head of the home, and women really have no thoughts worthy of being expressed, but it wasn't the blanket oppression I've found while reading other stories of ultra-conservative Christianity and patriarchy. It was expected that young women get married, keep house, and have kids, but we could choose to do something else without endangering our souls. The church also didn't care how many kids we had.
The big oppression was the outer standards, and the denial of the right to be a well-rounded, feeling person. According to the church's standards, the Duggars are LIBERAL. The church I was raised in took the Duggars' standards and ran with them. Yes, we had to wear dresses or skirts. We had to have long hair, but it had to be up in a bun. Sleeves had to come past our elbows. Just the women's. Men were exempt. Back in the day, somebody, John Wesley maybe, declared that our elbows looked like breasts. There must be something wrong with my breasts!! Or maybe it's my elbows, I don't know. At any rate, they look nothing alike!! We weren't allowed open-toed shoes. We had to wear panty hose. We weren't allowed to wear any kind of stretchy material for shirts without a blouse underneath. Those pesky elbows…er… breasts, had to be bound at all costs.
These standards became our "fruits", and it was the way we knew whether or not others were going to heaven. This wasn't considered judgment because doesn't the Bible say "by your fruits you will know them"?
Speaking of Bibles, God Himself wrote the King James Version, and other versions were of the devil. The fact that maybe the KJV was harder to understand added to its appeal. If it was harder to understand what god wants of his children, we'd have to work harder, and works are where it's at, after all.
So now you know a little of the mindset of the church I was born into. In the next installment, I will begin to tell you how it started to affect me – from the age of three.
So now you know a little of the mindset of the church I was born into. In the next installment, I will begin to tell you how it started to affect me – from the age of three.
