OMG! Libby Anne Reads My Blog!!!!

Okay.  I knew she cursorily kept track of my writing from a distance, so I'm not really that freshly excited.  But, nonetheless, I have been writing for two years now and she was one of my original commenters.

At that time, I still considered myself a Christian and a large portion of my blogging was spent discussing the non-fundamentalist ideas of Christianity and fighting against spiritual abuse, patriarchy, female submission, pastoral authority, etc., from a biblical point of view.

Six months later, I dropped any sort of belief in a god.  

I still wrote about the above subjects, albeit from a different angle - from the outside looking in.  I felt I had a unique perspective, being that I grew up heavily fundamentalist, and then married as a patriarchal, quiverfull husband, had six children, required my wife to submit, then dropped it altogether.

I knew these people that ran the movement, intimately.  I knew how they thought.  I knew how they viewed the Scriptures and how they interpreted them.  I knew it all.  Some people, then and now, still think they can convince me to come back to Christianity, being that obviously, my brand of it was the wrong brand.  The problem is, Christianity is based on exactly one holy book and I have read that holy book from cover to cover, scores of times.  I know all the evil parts of the Bible.  You can read through my blog to see my thoughts on many subjects.

Now that you know a little background, I'm going to complain a little bit.

Libby Anne said:

[Incongruous Circumspection] deal[s] specifically with Christian Patriarchy, fundamentalism, and leaving [the movement]. [... Incongruous Circumspection's] main focus is healing from and countering harmful religious messages and spiritual abuse.

That is true.  I am typecast.  And I am trying valiantly to remove that stigma from myself.  I want to branch out into believable fiction, essays, things college students would read and worship, inviting me to speak at conventions for writing, alternate views of popular religious stories, political pieces, memoirs...you name it.

I have beaten patriarchy to a dead pulp and I keep beating it more and more.  The pulp is quivering beneath my blows and begging me to hit it..."just one more time!"  Granted, my most popular posts are still about fundamentalism and the tangents that heads off into, so I am aware that my readership is still interested.  Any great writer (not that I consider myself among the greats) writes for his audience while maintaining some personal authenticity.

Thus, it is imperative that, while I expand my subjects, I also expand my readership.  I hope that the next time my dear friend whom I've never met, Libby Anne, lists my blog amongst other blogs, I fall into a category of my own.

The..."Um...I have no idea how to categorize Incongruous Circumspection. It's just...so damn good!" category. 

Stop Thinking Poorly About Yourself

Say you grew up a fundamentalist Christian.  Maybe you were converted to it.  Say you required unquestioning submission of your wife and children.  Maybe you are a woman who has broken free of quiverfull ideals and no longer subscribe to the doctrine of patriarchy.  Maybe you had many children and are just beginning to get your life on a path to future success.  Maybe you were forced to only be a part of the family business and later, when you left the family, had no real marketable skills.

Whatever the reason, you're older now and you look at yourself, and you consider yourself behind everyone else at your age.  You are starting late.  You are.  That's a fact.  But is it a negative?

I'm going to go through a small list of thoughts that might be shooting their way through your brain regularly, keeping you down on yourself, and causing you to constantly look over your shoulder, checking if you are as good as you really are.

With my past, I failed myself:

I was beaten and abused when I was a child.  I grew up fundamentalist and believed in female submission, Michael Pearl style child abuse, single income families (the dad worked, of course), and all Republican principles.  I made sure my wife submitted, bought her books on how to submit (thanks to Debi Pearl), and plenty of books on child-rearing.

Would I change any of it?  Does Kristine, my wife want to change any of it?  Absolutely!  We made some decisions that were based on our upbringing that have given others a leg up on us, leaving us to claw our way back into society, building our careers at a later stage in life, and a bunch of confused kids.  They barely even know what a spanking is now and wonder why we don't care so much if they pee in their beds.

But there are many things I cannot change.  The abuse as a child.  The way my life led me into what I was.  The fact that we birthed six beautiful children and they cost money and require an extra level of responsibility.    I mean, seriously, which kid could I do without?  How would my character of determination and motivation, looking for a better future, be changed if I had not gone through what I did.

I understand pain and anguish.  I understand confusion.  I understand the need to be loved and feel as if nobody gave a crap about me - for me, unless I was towing the line, both religiously and politically.

So no.  You have not failed in your past.  Your past is simply that - YOUR PAST!  How you utilize it to propel you into the future will determine your failure status.  Your decisions may have been bad or poorly referenced and yet, they were not failures.  You can and will improve.  Now move forward.

I don't deserve accolades for good grades and career success, starting later in life, because I simply HAVE to do it.  Thus, I must push harder than others, making me look better than them, even though I'm really not:

Pure, unadulterated bullshit.  I have never heard worse poppycock in my entire life.  That's just stupid.  Stop thinking that immediately.  Right now.  If your brain even begins to entertain that thought again, stick a pencil in your eye (okay...don't do that, really).

Those who went to college right out of high school, started their careers at 21, learned to socialize with a variety of people that they may not agree with, are making money - good money - at this stage in their life, ALSO HAD TO WORK for their success.  They had obstacles, just like you do.  They overcame those obstacles and deserved their accolades.  You also have obstacles, potentially much greater obstacles, have more life experience, and are starting on your career path much later in life.

Like hell you don't deserve accolades.  You do!  Get over it.  Let people who know you tell you how awesome you are. Eat that shit up and enjoy it while it lasts.  You'll look like everyone else twenty years from now and you'll miss the pleasures of today - the worshipful "you're a hell of a human being".

Read Part 2...

Your Sins Are Forgiven, Now Take Your Clothes Off

Good.  You're most likely reading this because the title drew you in and you are convinced I am off my rocker.  Now, while I wouldn't mind at all if roughly half the population followed my "rhema", "eureka", "Word from the Lord", or whatever you want to call it, I'm simply being facetious.  Bear with me while I explain.

Adam and Eve sinned in Genesis 3.  They ate the cumquat fruit that was forbidden and it says their eyes were opened, meaning they realized something - they were naked as the noonday sun.  Oddly, nakedness had no meaning to them until they disobeyed God, who tempted them, even though he doesn't tempt mankind, until they sinned.  Thus they frantically sewed hula skirts together with fiberglass rope and created the first Scottish kilts for men.

When God came back to the garden, knowing everything, and yet not being able to find Adam and Eve, he cursed all he could find to curse and then made proper pantaloons for Adam, and a pastel blue, triple breasted, plain dress for Eve.  Adam was also given a button-down, long-sleeved shirt with crisscrossed threads clasping the collar shut, in lieu of a button.  For undergarments, Adam was allowed to wear none whereas fashioned for Eve was a burlap petticoat and large elastic granny undies.  Adam was allowed to go barefoot but Eve wore wooden clod shoes with pointed toes.

Then, the two were whisked out of the garden and made to live in misery until their death.  Unfortunately for them, all humans were cursed with sin.  Obviously, it had to be that way, being that any human being, when told NOT to touch something, doesn't even give that forbidden thing a second thought.  Thus, Adam and Eve were exceptionally sinful and we had to bear the stupidity of the first humans.  If only God had done a better job of creating the first humans. 

I know I would have slapped my rebellious wife if she had offered me the cumquat.  Then, what would have happened?  Only women would have been sinful?  Or, God would have offed Eve (or allowed Adam to) and then created woman from a second rib, leaving men with two fewer ribs than women, rather than just one?

Anyway, let's move forward.

So, man was all dirty and unrighteous and could do nothing to get all clean and righteous.  Lo and behold, along comes this guy named Jesus, God's son according to a gospel or two and not according to other gospels.  He dies on the cross to take away the sin of the world.  Some say we have to believe in that, while others say it was completed for all, so just live in the moment (or was that a 50's rocker?).  Still others claim that God only picks a few people that he likes and allows them to have a free pass to heaven while the others have to burn in hell for eternity.

Whichever camp you pick, or better yet, if you're lucky enough to be born into the right camp, you come out on the other side of the sins forgiven at the cross part, smelling like a rose.  You have no more sin!

Adam and Eve sinned in the garden and had to wear clothes.  Your sins are now forgiven - forever - which obviously means clothing is optional.  No, not optional...wearing nothing is the sign of a righteous person!

So take off your clothes and enjoy your righteousness.

Now, back to reality.  You, reader who still reads something and does not think before you accept.  Yep.  You, the follower of Bill Gothard, Doug Phillips, anything quiverfull or patriarchal, heck, any school of thought, for that matter, religious or otherwise.  Don't stop asking why.  It isn't wrong to ask questions.  To inquire as to where any basis of truth originated from.  A leader or teacher is never infallible or inerrant.  People do get things wrong and many follow them.

I trust you.  Now put your clothes back on.

Love,

I.C.

The Story of Liz Franklin, Installment 1 - The Only True Church

Hi!  My name is Liz, and I found this blog while researching the Duggars.  Before watching the show, I'd never heard of “Quiverfull”, “patriarchy”, Bill Gothard...any of it.  I was raised in a legalistic church that strangled any freedom, grace, and love even, so these blogs stirred up a lot of stuff for me.  I reached out and was asked to share my story, so here goes.

I was raised in the Allegheny Wesleyan Methodist (Original Allegheny Conference) Church.  (Gotta get the name right; the church sued for the right to use it after a VERY IMPORTANT split with a part of the church that began disagreeing about some of the rules.)  It's wrong to sue people generally - says so right there in the Bible - but over the name of the church, well, that's different!  Especially when it's the One True Church.  Only the members of the Allegheny Wesleyan Methodist Church (AWMC) will get to go to heaven.  Everyone else is lost.

AWMC was built on the teachings of that great and good (*snort) John Wesley.  I'm 43 years old, and it has never dawned on me until just now that the very name of the church is basically Wesley's methods.  Methods to bring salvation, keep it, keep the people submitted and bound up.  Maybe you'd think The One True Church should be built on Jesus' teachings, but you'd be wrong. The one I was born into was built on John Wesley's.  Just an accident of birth, I guess.

I'm going to share the beliefs of the church, then get into my story:

AWMC believes in two works of grace: First, salvation. When you confess that you suck, and always will suck...I mean…when you confess your sins.  This is best done at the altar at church, where you get to parade your “suckiness” in front of everybody.  Salvation can be lost with a sneeze, by the way. 

The second work of grace is sanctification.  This is where the roots of sin (the very thing that makes you sin) are removed.  After this you'll be a holy robot…er…person.  The roots of sin are evidenced by anger (the big one), jealousy, pride...all the negative emotions we exemplify as humans.  To be sanctified, you have to "be willing."  While sometimes you are given specific things you have to be willing to do, for the most part, it means denying all of your natural feelings, denying your person-hood, and denying any rights you have to that person-hood. Since this isn't easy to do, you'll be encouraged to "pray clear through", which was never really explained.  Basically, you have to make yourself miserable in prayer any way you can.  Self-punishment, if that is what it takes, is encouraged, also.

While the church was vaguely patriarchal, women did have rights – as long as we stayed in our place. The husband is the head of the home, and women really have no thoughts worthy of being expressed, but it wasn't the blanket oppression I've found while reading other stories of ultra-conservative Christianity and patriarchy.  It was expected that young women get married, keep house, and have kids, but we could choose to do something else without endangering our souls.  The church also didn't care how many kids we had.

The big oppression was the outer standards, and the denial of the right to be a well-rounded, feeling person.  According to the church's standards, the Duggars are LIBERAL.  The church I was raised in took the Duggars' standards and ran with them.  Yes, we had to wear dresses or skirts.  We had to have long hair, but it had to be up in a bun.  Sleeves had to come past our elbows.  Just the women's.  Men were exempt.  Back in the day, somebody, John Wesley maybe, declared that our elbows looked like breasts.  There must be something wrong with my breasts!!  Or maybe it's my elbows, I don't know.  At any rate, they look nothing alike!!  We weren't allowed open-toed shoes.  We had to wear panty hose.  We weren't allowed to wear any kind of stretchy material for shirts without a blouse underneath.  Those pesky elbows…er… breasts, had to be bound at all costs. 

These standards became our "fruits", and it was the way we knew whether or not others were going to heaven.  This wasn't considered judgment because doesn't the Bible say "by your fruits you will know them"? 

Speaking of Bibles, God Himself wrote the King James Version, and other versions were of the devil.  The fact that maybe the KJV was harder to understand added to its appeal.  If it was harder to understand what god wants of his children, we'd have to work harder, and works are where it's at, after all.

So now you know a little of the mindset of the church I was born into.  In the next installment, I will begin to tell you how it started to affect me – from the age of three.