In the October 2013 issue of "Above Rubies," Nancy Campbell's magazine to "...encourage women in their high calling as wives, mothers, and homemakers," Nancy reveals that she really doesn't know how normal society - read: the rest of us - interact with each other.
It's quite obvious that she thinks we're all selfish nincompoops, disregarding family, hating children, and sitting around in front of television screens, watching pornography. If this describes you, then Campbell is correct. But I'll gander a guess that, while partaking in any one of the above activities I listed doesn't make you a naughty person at all, you don't live your life by every one of the above definitions all the time.
Nancy introduces this month's issue by talking about her gardening and how big her farm is. She lets the readers know that there are always children on her property. She's a grandmother, after all, with a lot of grandkids. But, as you read, you begin to get the innate sense that Nancy Campbell is talking down to the rest of humanity:
It is amazing that you can have so many young people come together without sending out invitations... We constantly enjoy celebrations and gatherings at our home. No need for organization. Just call the families and we have a huge crowd with loads of fun, antics, and fellowship.
While, to the untrained eye, one not well-versed in the language of a fundamentalist us vs. them superiority complex, this may look like normal conversation, a woman glowing about how great her life is - like a Facebook status. But it isn't. With fundamentalists, it never is.
See, Nancy thinks we don't know families with kids. She thinks that in order for us to have a house full of people, we need to send out invitations months ahead of time, order the inflatable jumping houses, buy oodles of pre-prepared foods from the deli, notify the city of the need for additional parking permits for the non-parking zone, and square off an area of the property for the kids, to rid us adults of their snot-nosed peskishness.
Also, we don't talk. We must just sit around on our phones, ignoring one another, with nothing better to do than write stupid and pointless blog posts like this one.
So, to all my friends that come to my house, to all my neighbors that eat all of my food, drink all of my beer, use all of my diapers, flush all of my toilets, use up all of my lawnmower gas, and make sure your methamphetamine customers don't walk on my lawn. To all of my enemies that still come around. To all of my kids that have birthday parties with adults and sometimes just kids - disorganized for adults, yet a blast for the kids. Yes, to all of you.
I'm sorry for being such a prudish bore.
Okay. I knew she cursorily kept track of my writing from a distance, so I'm not really that freshly excited. But, nonetheless, I have been writing for two years now and she was one of my original commenters.
At that time, I still considered myself a Christian and a large portion of my blogging was spent discussing the non-fundamentalist ideas of Christianity and fighting against spiritual abuse, patriarchy, female submission, pastoral authority, etc., from a biblical point of view.
Six months later, I dropped any sort of belief in a god.
I still wrote about the above subjects, albeit from a different angle - from the outside looking in. I felt I had a unique perspective, being that I grew up heavily fundamentalist, and then married as a patriarchal, quiverfull husband, had six children, required my wife to submit, then dropped it altogether.
I knew these people that ran the movement, intimately. I knew how they thought. I knew how they viewed the Scriptures and how they interpreted them. I knew it all. Some people, then and now, still think they can convince me to come back to Christianity, being that obviously, my brand of it was the wrong brand. The problem is, Christianity is based on exactly one holy book and I have read that holy book from cover to cover, scores of times. I know all the evil parts of the Bible. You can read through my blog to see my thoughts on many subjects.
Now that you know a little background, I'm going to complain a little bit.
Libby Anne said:
[Incongruous Circumspection] deal[s] specifically with Christian Patriarchy, fundamentalism, and leaving [the movement]. [... Incongruous Circumspection's] main focus is healing from and countering harmful religious messages and spiritual abuse.
That is true. I am typecast. And I am trying valiantly to remove that stigma from myself. I want to branch out into believable fiction, essays, things college students would read and worship, inviting me to speak at conventions for writing, alternate views of popular religious stories, political pieces, memoirs...you name it.
I have beaten patriarchy to a dead pulp and I keep beating it more and more. The pulp is quivering beneath my blows and begging me to hit it..."just one more time!" Granted, my most popular posts are still about fundamentalism and the tangents that heads off into, so I am aware that my readership is still interested. Any great writer (not that I consider myself among the greats) writes for his audience while maintaining some personal authenticity.
Thus, it is imperative that, while I expand my subjects, I also expand my readership. I hope that the next time my dear friend whom I've never met, Libby Anne, lists my blog amongst other blogs, I fall into a category of my own.
The..."Um...I have no idea how to categorize Incongruous Circumspection. It's just...so damn good!" category.
Say you grew up a fundamentalist Christian. Maybe you were converted to it. Say you required unquestioning submission of your wife and children. Maybe you are a woman who has broken free of quiverfull ideals and no longer subscribe to the doctrine of patriarchy. Maybe you had many children and are just beginning to get your life on a path to future success. Maybe you were forced to only be a part of the family business and later, when you left the family, had no real marketable skills.
Whatever the reason, you're older now and you look at yourself, and you consider yourself behind everyone else at your age. You are starting late. You are. That's a fact. But is it a negative?
I'm going to go through a small list of thoughts that might be shooting their way through your brain regularly, keeping you down on yourself, and causing you to constantly look over your shoulder, checking if you are as good as you really are.
With my past, I failed myself:
I was beaten and abused when I was a child. I grew up fundamentalist and believed in female submission, Michael Pearl style child abuse, single income families (the dad worked, of course), and all Republican principles. I made sure my wife submitted, bought her books on how to submit (thanks to Debi Pearl), and plenty of books on child-rearing.
Would I change any of it? Does Kristine, my wife want to change any of it? Absolutely! We made some decisions that were based on our upbringing that have given others a leg up on us, leaving us to claw our way back into society, building our careers at a later stage in life, and a bunch of confused kids. They barely even know what a spanking is now and wonder why we don't care so much if they pee in their beds.
But there are many things I cannot change. The abuse as a child. The way my life led me into what I was. The fact that we birthed six beautiful children and they cost money and require an extra level of responsibility. I mean, seriously, which kid could I do without? How would my character of determination and motivation, looking for a better future, be changed if I had not gone through what I did.
I understand pain and anguish. I understand confusion. I understand the need to be loved and feel as if nobody gave a crap about me - for me, unless I was towing the line, both religiously and politically.
So no. You have not failed in your past. Your past is simply that - YOUR PAST! How you utilize it to propel you into the future will determine your failure status. Your decisions may have been bad or poorly referenced and yet, they were not failures. You can and will improve. Now move forward.
I don't deserve accolades for good grades and career success, starting later in life, because I simply HAVE to do it. Thus, I must push harder than others, making me look better than them, even though I'm really not:
Pure, unadulterated bullshit. I have never heard worse poppycock in my entire life. That's just stupid. Stop thinking that immediately. Right now. If your brain even begins to entertain that thought again, stick a pencil in your eye (okay...don't do that, really).
Those who went to college right out of high school, started their careers at 21, learned to socialize with a variety of people that they may not agree with, are making money - good money - at this stage in their life, ALSO HAD TO WORK for their success. They had obstacles, just like you do. They overcame those obstacles and deserved their accolades. You also have obstacles, potentially much greater obstacles, have more life experience, and are starting on your career path much later in life.
Like hell you don't deserve accolades. You do! Get over it. Let people who know you tell you how awesome you are. Eat that shit up and enjoy it while it lasts. You'll look like everyone else twenty years from now and you'll miss the pleasures of today - the worshipful "you're a hell of a human being".
Read Part 2...
