Parents Spying on Their Adult(ish) Children

This post is going to be a bit different from what I have done in the past.  I’m going to write my thoughts, and then open it up to my readers to give their input.  Please don’t hesitate to chime in, even if you disagree with what I have to say.  I want all different perspectives.  Thanks in advance!

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The Chauvinistic Authority Doctrine (CAD) requires a father to monitor and control their children’s every movement and even their every thought.  If their nose hairs so much as twitch out of line, this doctrine states that there is rebellion in the son’s or daughter’s soul.  This also goes for that man’s wife.   Nothing does, nor should it, escape his careful and searching eye.  In the isolated instance that something does, that individual or inanimate object must come clean immediately in order to continue in the good graces of the god man.

Sometimes, a CAD man will spy on his young adult and adult “children” through hacking into social media that they use.  By spying, we are not talking about viewing their profiles and posts.  Rather, it is the act of hacking into their accounts and viewing their private chats and messages.  

Frankly, unless the parent has initially told the child that they will be doing this, I don’t know that I would EVER condone this practice.   That is none of the parent's business.  This is an adult we’re talking about here – the parent's peer.  Would the parent’s co-workers appreciate it if it was discovered that he was hacking into whatever electronic medium they were using to communicate with others, just to keep tabs on them, having not been informed of this potentiality in the Employee Handbook?  If it WAS in the Handbook, go to town!

But, let’s look at the child psychology that is at play here and then we’ll check in on the parent’s, later on.

If I was a teen or young adult, living in a CAD dad’s house (or even not living there…) and was informed that I was going to be hacked or spied on, every second of every day, it would take a Forrest Gump-like psyche to actually leave electronic tracks that could incriminate me ANYWHERE on the cyberwaves.  And I mean ANYWHERE!  I would do my darndest to hide anything and everything from my overbearing old man.  If he ever caught up with me, I would deny, deny, deny.  He wouldn’t get a shred of truth out of me.  And, if he did happen to beat or squeeze it forth (sadly, a CAD adherer will do this to their “children” of any age…I know…I’m living proof), I would learn my lesson so well that it would take Houdini and six of his relatives to even catch a scent of what I was continuing to cook.  It’s that simple.

Now, here is my take on the parent.  CAD dad, if you have to hack into your adult children’s social media to keep your hyper-religious, uber-obligatory tabs on them, you’ve failed buddy.  Big time!  If you’re adult children need your guiding hand at that level here’s a simple news flash (I’ll put it in caps so it’s easier for you to read):

THEY WILL NOT MAKE IT AS ADULTS NOW OR EVER!!!

How do I know this?  Well, it’s quite simple, actually.  If you have held your children’s hands throughout their life so much so that they cannot get breakfast on their own without your permission, where they cannot so much as even take a piss without your say-so, where they can’t even go out on the town for a night without worrying about what you are thinking WHILE they party and what you will think WHEN they return, you’ve failed to rear forward thinking, self-sufficient, successful offspring.  In short, you lost.  Get over it. 

But there’s more at stake here.  Especially for adult children – Why, as a parent, do we want them to be protected from everything?  As an adult who has been on your own for years, you don’t have someone holding your hand, every step of the way, shielding you from impending – many times, imagined – danger.  Why can’t a CAD parent allow his teen, young adult, and adult children to fail?  To fall?  To hit rock bottom?  To get Crispy Creamed?

The fact is, if negative things DO happen to them, the last thing they will do is come crawling home to dear old dad for solace because, after all, they failed him.  If they had only done what he told them to do at every point in their lives, nothing bad would have happened to them.  Thus, the bad thing that caused them to fail was only due to not allowing the guiding hand to do all the work.  What’s worse, what if the bad thing happened WHILE the guiding hand was doing all the work?  Who to go to then?

I want to be waiting to lick the wounds of my children if they ever come crawling back home.  I want them to want to come to me for my advice.  Not out of expectation, but because I’m an insecure loser of a father and I am easily flattered.  They don’t even need to need it.  Just fake it once in a while.  But most importantly, I want to have taught them all the foundational lessons that I think they’ll need when they jump from the nest and fly away – hoping beyond all hope, that they won’t be as much a screw-up as their dear old daddy was.

With all that desire, more than likely, they’ll end up asking their mommy instead.

*****

So, what do you think?  Did I miss something?  Am I way off base?  My oldest is only nine.  Am I in for a surprise?  Do tell!

Bentley is a Cad

I am a man.  I watch The Bachelorette and The Bachelor.  Every season.  My excuse is that the show gives me an excuse to carve out time to spend with my busy bride once a week.  We curl up on the couch together over a bowl of hot buttered popcorn with her huge laptop on our knees.

This year, the bachelorette, Ashley, seems to be very vulnerable.  She is a beautiful girl with a bad case of insecurity.  She thinks men like a big chest and Barbie-like features.  Even though she is full of life and drinks it up in gulps, she somehow sees most other women as superior to her.  I disagree.

One of the "suitors" on the show - Bentley - decided to take advantage of Ashley's inferiority complex and play her like a fiddle.

Some history:  Before the show, Ashley received a text from the evil spider-woman from Brad Womack's second season, Michelle Money.  You know, that woman that couldn't stop licking her lips, was crazy, had a serious motherly crush on Brad, and wanted all the monkey's to eat the other women on the show.  Michelle's text revealed that Bentley was going to be on The Bachelorette and that he had an ulterior motive - to promote his business, whatever that was.  She told Ashley that Bentley was going to mess with Ashley's head, make a name for himself, then leave the show after a few weeks (essentially two or three episodes in television time).

So, naturally, Ashley was skeptical.  Except for the fact that the creators of the show love drama and decided to try and prod Ashley to give Bentley a chance.  And give him a chance she did...and more!  From the moment he stepped out of the limousine in the first episode, she was smitten.  His hair was curly.  His moobs were perfect, with just the right amount of flab.  He wore grungy clothes at all the right moments and dressed up while dressing down in just the right nuanced ways.  His eyes never met hers, dancing around the room, teasing her.  Even the way he mumbled his words and smiled sweetly and boyishly made her grovel at his feet whenever she heard a whisper of his name.  She gushed about him openly.

The problem:  Bentley wanted none of it.  In the first episode, after another suitor, William, went on an awesome date with Ashley, eating a romantic fish-bowl dinner on a famous Las Vegas  fountain, and then returned, telling all the other guys about the exciting evening, Bentley said the following:

"I'd rather swim in a pool of pee than spend the rest of my life with that woman.  She's not my type."

Then, he marched right up to Ashley, engulfed her in his arms, carried her to the fireplace and began kissing her.  His goal was to prove that competition was better than finding love, no matter how stupid the platform for discovering that love may have been.  He was in it to win it.  Bentley wanted to prove a point.

Through the first half of the third episode, this was the way he worked.  Whenever he saw some other man getting too close to the girl, he would jump in and "save" Ashley.  And she was game for it.  She was in love with him, the words, "I see Bentley as the man I am going to marry", jumping from her lips on more than one unsolicited occasion.

Then, Ashley hit rock bottom.  William made a comment about her that brought her to tears and Bentley found her in a dark corner weeping.  While telling the viewing audience that he hates it when women cry because it makes them ugly, he pulled Ashley to him and told her she was beautiful, saying all the right words.  Ashley fell in love all over again.  Bentley smiled above her hair and winked at the camera.  He knew he had her hoodwinked.

The next morning, Bentley had had enough.  He had been jilted by Ashley - she having given a rose to another man who held her hand and comforted her warmly and genuinely - and he was angry that he wasn't the only man in her thoughts and dreams.  So, he packed up and walked into the room with all the other fourteen gentleman callers.

What he told them, and then later telling Ashley the same thing, has me boiling inside, even after a few nights to stew on it.

First, he informed us, the viewing audience, that he had duped everyone.  He proclaimed that nobody had ever done anything like that before, forgetting shows like Survivor, which I despise, and Big Brother, which everyone despises, and WWE, which everyone says they hate, but secretly love to watch, late at night when the kids go to bed.  Then, he told the other suitors that he missed his daughter terribly and that he needed to go home.  Walking out of that room, he told us, the watching chumps, that all those other men were "tools" and that they were so stupid, having bought his "I miss my daughter" baloney.  Then he went and did the same thing with Ashley.  Having dumped her on national television, he said that Ashley, clinging to him in those last moments, made it clear that in a different life, he wouldn't have minded hooking up with her whenever he needed a fix.

I fear for his daughter.  For a man to use his child as bait to "win" a game (in his mind) by breaking the heart of another woman and treating other human beings as pawns in his stupid little chess match, is unquestionably irresponsible.  While I understand that the show is a stupid exercise in bringing a couple together (only being marginally successful in almost three out of twenty-six or so seasons), Bentley brought the treating of a woman by another man to a new low.  He sees women as objects for his own sexual desires, saying, "She's not my type, she's not attractive at all, but she has a nice butt, and I wouldn't mind letting her tickle my pecker."

Bentley is a cad.  I guarantee to all women reading this that all men are not that way.  I'll swear on a stack of Bibles.  Just ask my wife.

Now, hopefully, Ashley can move on and attempt to continue in her quest to finding true love, if that is even possible on The Bachelorette.  Hopefully...even though Bentley said, "Don't make this ending a period, rather, more like a dot dot dot..."  And then the ubiquitous cad line, "Can I call you?"

What a loser.

The Rogue "pastoral" Team: Act Eight - Annah. Boss. Happy.

Start from Act One
Incongruous Circumspection was threatened by Mark and Annah's Henchman! 
Aww...the Henchman Apologizes...Sort of 
Mark Reid Tries to Preach Out of a Jam

 

We left off in Act Seven with Mark drawling on about Zach being a rebellious person whenever he thinks for himself.  Let’s jump right back in and listen to Mark Reid.

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Mark continued: It's like this thing cycles like every two months. Two months ago we were standing over at that – behind that sound booth over there – and you were YELLING at Annah…

(Zach: Mark was referring to the previous argument we'd had over their decision to have a worship team member step off the worship team due to her lack of the required exuberance, among other petty things)

…And then you humbled yourself, and then everything was really cool for awhile…

“Humbled yourself” is code for, “got back under our control.”

…but now – I remember the start of it – you were out it your car after service, and I'm like, "What's going on?", and you responded, "Oh, nothing, really." And I said, "Is it the thing with your brother again?"

(Zach: Mark was referring to our brief discussion the previous week over why I had sat out in the foyer during the service... in which I explained about my brother, Incongruous Circumspection, who I was thinking about, with his recent writings.)

…and you responded, "Na." And, um, it's just our observation that this thing is a pendulum that goes back and forth and it's really not working…

Translation:  “We need you to always be acquiescent.”

Zach: How much of human nature is involved in that?

Mark: Huh?

Mark Reid doesn’t really understand human nature unless it fits into his worldview of Mark being in charge of everyone except Annah Reid, who is obviously pulling his puppet strings.

Zach: How much of human nature is involved in the pendulum…

Annah: Right…

Zach: …and people switching on and off different modes of attitude…

Annah: Oh, 'cause we all do. Yeah…

Wait a second here….!!!  Annah Reid is agreeing with Zach?  I smell a set up.

Mark: Mhmm.

Uh oh.  Mark agrees with Zach.  Something has to be done and done quickly!  Mark and Annah Reid cannot be in agreement with one of their spit-lings for long.  They must assert their superiority before Zach gets a submissive…er…big leadership head.

Zach: You know, 'cause if there's no allowance for that…

Annah: No, there is…

Annah Reid doesn’t like getting schooled.  But, oops…she got cut off.  The hammer is going to come crashing down soon.

Zach: ... and there's absolute submission all the time, that there's no opportunity to discuss matters that bring up dissension – or – division, like temporarily you'd see a wall come up and then all of a sudden discuss it, and then bring it back down…

Mark: Yeah…

Zach: If there's no provision for that, and there's got to be a principle of submission all the time…

Mark: There's always a principle of submission. There's always open-door policy to discuss something that, um, you feel is in question. But there's no…

Annah: Or something that you would like changed, or you disagree with…

Mark: …but there's no – and that can be private…

Annah: That's different.

Mark: …that can be private at any time. But there's no room for big old walls that are publicly displayed that, "Something is bothering me, and I'm not going to tell anybody" but everybody knows…

(Zach: Mark is referring to my lack of the required exuberance during the worship time)

…there's an elephant in the room because something is bothering Zach. He seems disconnected in worship, he doesn't say, "Hi" at the restaurant, he's out in his car after the service…

So, there it is.  It is perfectly reasonable for anyone to disagree with Mark and Annah Reid BUT it must be private!  At all other times, you are supposed to fake unity.

 …I don't know what the deal is: you sit apart from your wife in church a lot of times…

(Zach: Mark is referring to when my wife goes to the nursery with our little child and I don’t go with her.)

Huh?  Oh, right.  Typical M.O. here for these morons.  The iron gets hot and they must move on to other assumptive accusations.

Annah: Yeah, we don't want that anymore either. You need to be a couple; you're going to display that as a couple in church. You're married.

More of the same.  You shouldn’t be shocked.  We already know the reason for the “sitting apart from each other” from Zach.  But, it doesn’t matter.

I’m not saying that a couple sitting apart from one another in a church service should be ignored by a pastor or that it is none of his or her business.  Rather, I think it is VERY MUCH their business!  If they see a marriage on the rocks, isn’t it the right thing to do to go and ask, “How are things?”  Maybe take the couple out to dinner and chat or individually, even.

But, as Mark and Annah Reid are doing, why chew the couple out for it?  Why make it a requirement to pretend to be a loving couple when there is a chance things are not peachy keen? 

The answer is simple.  Mark and Annah Reid don’t give a flying rat’s rear end about others.  All they give a damn about is the god show that they are attempting to put on.  Anyone and anything that takes away from the worship of the “pastors” who had the foresight and the wherewithal to put together the spectacular stage act needs to be crushed.

I pity the broken marriage in their god club.  I pity the child who is being abused by his parents.  I pity the husband that is having sexual problems and being mocked for it by his wife.  I pity the wife who is being verbally and spiritually abused by her husband or “lover”.  I pity any and every hurt soul that comes under Mark and Annah’s roof.  They have no love.  None.  Only for themselves.

Mark: So, all these things are different from questioning a policy. That's what we're saying.

Annah: And it's not wrong, Zach, for you to come to us and say, "I don't know. I disagree with that. You know, like, could we do it this way?" That's one thing, but it's when you get an attitude, and then everybody else has to live with it. You know, like, "I'm angry; I don't get my way; So I'm going to let it..." Because, that's not submission. And I do agree that God will bring you into the process of learning submission, you know what I mean, and the fact of the way you run your house. However you want to run your house, you run your house, unless you're smoking pot, or whatever, or doing crap like that.

That was funny!  Where does she come up with these left field scenarios?

The problem here is quite clear.  Mark and Annah Reid get to tell you if you have an attitude.  And, if you are in disagreement, you will ALWAYS have an attitude.  There are no options here.  No choices, whatsoever.  You do everything their way or don’t do it at all.

Why do Mark and Annah keep reminding Zach that he is a leader and then squish him into the ground at every opportunity?  Zach wants to do things one way, but if these idiots aren’t 100% on board, Zach is unsubmissive and not worthy of leadership – which he never really had in the first place.

Zach: Yeah.

Annah: But we're talking church. We're talking CHURCH. Submission. Okay? We're not talking about your life outside of this church – yeah, and that too, like, if you're cooler than, like, the devil, and thinking you're coming in here and bringing demons coming in here, No! …

Huh?  Demons mean a lot to Mark and Annah Reid.  Their history as demon caster-outers defines them.

…But, we're talking, you have an issue, you don't agree, and we say NO. That's not the way it is. And you need to get over it, Zach, you need to say, "Okay. I'm going to submit." 'Cause you're not the boss. You're not the boss at your work. You're not the boss on the streets. You're not the boss all the time. And you get to be the boss sometimes, because God will give you that. But you don't get to be the boss of your world your whole life. And some people, what they do, is they go, "Nobody is going to tell me what to do. I'm only going to listen to God, and I'm the boss of my world." Well, be the boss of your world, and somehow God will get that broken, Zach. He will, in a season, I don't know what that desert thing would be, but I know that you don't have to. You can totally go, "You know what? You're right. You know what? I really do want to, you know, work on submission. And I do want to – it doesn't have to be my way. And I want that art of, you know, art, music, of, um, uh, the longing to yield even though you can express your – and nobody said you couldn't express your thoughts, your desires, but we might not do it your way, you know.

Yep.  Annah played her hand.  She’s the boss and Zach isn’t.  Zach is a pipsqueak of a human being.  She knows he’s just a sorry little employee at work.  And, on the streets, she knows Zach doesn’t pack any heat or pimp a harem.  He’s a nobody.  But he sure as hell WANTS TO BE THE BOSS!!!!!  Annah knows it!  Zach is a horrible, evil, slimy person who wants nothing more than to take the church away from Annah!

But, that’s not the grit of Annah’s point.  Her point is that SHE IS THE BOSS!

Also, it appears that, according to Annah Reid, all of us are sitting around, being subservient to all of our bosses, living in the desert (because, of course, nobody wants to be a servant to a master and anything but a boss is a worthless position in this world), waiting for that moment that Annah’s god reaches his hand down and places us above others.   Oh, for the day of our promotion.  We are all waiting with bated breath.

I want no part of that god.  But, no worries, because that god doesn’t exist, except in Annah Reid’s imagination.

One more thing:  Notice how she slipped in the “I'm only going to listen to God” bit as if it is an evil thing?  Pathetic.

Zach: Can I ask a question? You know, what is the end goal of finding a church, and then finding a pastor to be able to submit to; what's the end goal?

Annah: What is the end goal for God for you?

Huh?  I guess she’s asking that because, according to her, the whole point of life is to obey your pastor.

Zach: Or, just to do that…

Annah: No, I'm talking about – okay what do you mean?

Yeah, Annah.  You should shut up and listen more often.

Zach: …I have to find a church, as a human being, I have to find a church…

Annah: Yeah.

Zach: …and a pastor…

Annah: Yep!

Zach: Submit to them…

Annah: Yep!

Zach: …what's the end goal?

Annah: What's the end goal for God or for man?

Devious, Annah.  Devious.  I love it when cultic abusers like Annah Reid live their life according to Isaiah 55:8, 9 –

For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Neither are your ways My ways," declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, SO are My ways higher than your ways, And my thoughts than your thoughts.

The problem is that they misquote it.  They use it to say, “The horrible life that you have to live under me isn’t my fault.  It’s God’s fault.  HE is the one that set up these rules.  Deal with it!  After all, you’ll never understand God’s ways.”

But, if someone asks them why they really DO know all of God’s ways because they constantly shove it down their spit-lings throats, they cry foul and yell accusations of rebellion – yelling the verse even louder, as if repetition proves a point.

In short, morons like Mark and Annah Reid miss the beauty of God.  Completely.  Life is a bunch of stupid astrological reference charts that cannot be deviated from unless you’re the one making them up.  I get tired just thinking about it.

Zach: Well, I don't know, it can…

Annah: Who do you want to live for? Do you want to live for man or do you want to live for God?

But, Annah!  With you, it’s one and the same!

Zach: I'm not living for man…

Annah: Okay, so do you want to live for God?

Zach: All the time.

Annah: Okay, so God's mission in putting men in authority over you is to humble you. You know why? You know why, Zach? We all have pride.

Annah does not have pride.  That’s why she blessed with being the lord of others.

I’m starting to puke over this broken record.  Authority is put over you to piss you off.  But you need it due to pride.  Authority kills pride and injects humility into your soul.  Thus you need authority.

Hey Annah, why are most of the people of the world not in charge?  Why are their holy asses of “pastors” like yourself that wouldn’t know what humility was if it was permanently tattooed on their arse?  Why are politicians imperfect.  I’m sure you hate Obama.  But, he was put in authority over you to humble you, right?  So why disagree with him publicly?

I could go on forever with practical examples of real life – something Mark and Annah Reid are not aware even exists.  But, I digress.

Zach: I have a man over me at my place of employment.

Annah: Yep!

Zach: That's legitimate.

Youch!

Annah: Mhmm.

Annah missed that she was just put in her place as an illegitimate “authority” in our modern society.  Too funny.

Mark: Okay…

Annah: Yep. And God puts you under authority in the church, and He gives you pastors that you're to submit to, and if you can't learn submission, you can't lead.

Um.  Right.  So she didn’t miss it.  But, if you repeat a lie often enough, it becomes truth.

Mark: God's end goal is to form Christ in us.

W.H.A.T. T.H.E. H.E.L.L.????!!!

What on earth is Mark injecting THAT into this conversation for?  What of the last seven Acts have we read about who Christ is with respect to this stupid authority doctrine?

It’s called buzzwords and jargon people.  Pile a load of crap on someone, then salt and pepper it with a few buzzwords of holiness and voila!!!!....you have a controlled religion.

I want nothing to do with their christ – small ‘c’.  Nothing!  They can have him, for all I care.

*****

In Act Nine, Mark and Annah Reid expound on this new angle on christ.  You’ll see that christ is really just a tool to bring others under their thumb.  It has nothing to do with freedom.  Nothing to do with life.  Nothing to do with his yoke being easy and his burden light.  Nothing to do with love.  Nothing to do with servanthood.  Nothing.  It’s whatever they make of it.