Sunday, June 5, 2011

The Rogue "pastoral" Team: Act Seven - The "pastors" Fight

In Act Six, we watched as Annah Reid fell apart.  Her husband was trying to come against Zach for having a life of his own when Annah cut in and started on a hilarious tangent – the fact that Zach did not greet her and Mark with the proper pastoral greeting when they crossed paths at a certain restaurant.  If you didn’t laugh, no worries.  There is more funny stuff on the way.

In this Act, as I teased in Act Six, Zach tries to get some answers out of these two morons.  Let’s listen in and see how he fares.


Zach: Who do you get to show us an example of that to?

Here it comes…

Annah: Uhh... what do you mean?

Zach: Like, who do you get to honor and respect?

Smart question on Zach’s part.  This is where the Authority Doctrine begins to fall apart.  Once you get to the top, i.e,. when you have reached the pinnacle of your patriarchal astrological reference charts, you’ve found another god, accountable to nobody but themselves, though they pretend to the world that they are actually accountable to God.

Annah: Well if Clay and Martha were walking by, I'd make it a point to say, "'Bye!" (waving giddily) I'd make it sure that you KNEW we were being respectful. I would. I just would. I mean, I'm not saying you know that, so I'm not condemning you…..

I’m not condemning you?  Really?  Riiiiiiiiiight!  What about all that crap in Act Six?

Also, did you notice how Annah Reid gave one little eensy weensy scenario of whom she has to honor and respect, rather than give a solid doctrine on the matter?  That’s what Zach is asking for here.  But, Annah’s theology is based on what feels right at the moment.  Not only what feels right, but what benefits Annah and maybe Mark in the here and now.  Additionally, she seems to conveniently use a straw man (another holy elder couple of her god club – deserving of honor and respect) rather than maybe doing the obvious and showing herself waving “byeeeeee” at Zach.  I’m fairly certain that was purposeful.

… I'm saying that's what has to change. Okay? There are people that would go, "Hey! Can we even sit with you?"…

Ok.  I’m rolling in laughter here.  Zach doesn’t say goodbye (according to Annah Reid, even though Zach says he did) and she says that that act would translate into others thinking that they shouldn’t sit with Mark and Annah Reid?  THAT is F.U.N.N.Y!

A piece of advice to Annah.  Lay off already!  There is only so many ways you can beat a dead horse.  Not that I’ve ever beat a dead horse, or have even done a scientific study on ways to beat a dead horse.  I haven’t even seen a dead horse for that matter.  I’ve heard of dead horses and horses dying, but they were quickly and thoroughly disposed of, leaving me no cadavers to test this theory on.  But I’ve heard that it’s a pretty solid theory.

 …Not act like they're off in – in – and "That's so important... we've got to get out for lunch. We can't even meet with you, 'cause we have to go to our lunch..."
(Zach: Annah is referring to a brief meeting at FCC a few weeks earlier in which I insisted that I had to go to lunch)
…Zach, that's not good leadership. Your leadership needs to be, "You know what, this (honoring our pastors) is number one, that's number two." (referring to anything else, such as lunch)…

A reminder:  The term “leadership” to Annah Reid means “unquestioning submission” to anyone else but herself, maybe Mark Reid, and potentially her cronies that agree with her.  She just throws in this word to make it seem like she respects Zach’s position when, in reality, she would rather he be laying on the ground in the fetal position, a perfect target for her phlegm spittle.
Mark: I've got a question. Like you said, Zach, "What does it mean that you're a pastor?" What does it mean to YOU to have a pastor?

Wait!....Mark is still here!???  Who knew?

Zach: A servant-leader. Somebody who is a good example of servanthood and humility. So if I'd want to be like that, then I'd follow your example, but if I'm not seeing that, then it's kind of hard.

NICE!  Keep the hits comin’, Zach, if at all possible!

Mark: And you as a leader, do you feel like you're a servant-leader?

Ah, Mark.  The expert at deflection.  Here, Zach made a statement of what he was convinced a pastor should be and Mark turned it around and accused Zach of not following Mark and Annah’s definition of leadership.  That’s what Mark’s question is all about.

But, Zach wasn’t talking about himself here.  He was referring to PASTORS!!!   But, Mark knows that.  He doesn’t want to answer the question because he knows he’s really an ass and Annah is an even bigger one.  No example of “He who desires to be the greatest of all must be the least of all.”  That idea is lost on these knuckleheads.
Zach: I definitely try to work with the musicians. And I've become less of a perfectionist, as we were talking about many meetings ago.

Unfortunately, when you’re being ganged up on, you can’t necessarily see the opportunity to make Marky Boy eat his own words.  Zach had that perfect opportunity here but ended up answering Mark’s deflecting question instead, putting the beat down ball back in the idiot’s court.

Mark: Well, what we're talking about is a culture of honor. It's not just honoring Annah and I, we don't need it…

Annah: No, I don't need it, no…

Huh?  You don’t need it, eh?  Funny.  What about in Act 6, where you said “…I'm NEVER going to be in a restaurant where you do not come over and acknowledge us as pastors. EVER. Okay, you're not doing that.”   And you don’t need honor?  Yep.  Oh, and the fact that you two broken records go on and on and on and on and on and…. about submission to Zach and in your stupid asinine “sermons”.

Mark: But for the culture, you know, you reap exactly what you sow.

Annah: Mhmm.

Mark: You honor your leaders, the people you lead will honor you. Okay?

Again, this is convenient for Mark and Annah Reid.  They have nobody above them on the AD astrological reference chart.  So, they don’t have to inconvenience themselves with the whole “honor your leaders” baloney sausage.

Annah: I honor - you want to know – see, Zach I don't think you know Mark and I enough to know who we are, because when – we had a schism with you even on this, when somebody walks in the door…
(Zach: Annah was referring to a visitor to Freedom Christian Center walking in as we're trying to rehearse a song before the service)
…I'm going to get off the worship stage because I'm going to honor the person when they walk through the door. That was an attitude with you that you didn't think I should [do that while I'm supposed to be rehearsing with the team]…

Wow!  So, Annah needed to show Zach how she submits to others, so she chooses an example that makes her look like a god while Zach looks like an idiot.  Typical fare from these two.

What this woman doesn’t realize though, is that she just gave Zach a mixed message.  Who is she supposed to submit to at this point?  Who is Zach supposed to submit to when his “pastor” wants him to be doing something and someone else needs help?

You know the answer.  There is none.  To put a submission formula to life, which is full of nuanced circumstances is like coding up a program for an ambulatory heart monitor without allowing for weird instances like electrical surges or a power outage.  It’s idiotic.  But it doesn’t matter to Annah because SHE, in all her holiness, knows the right way to act in EVERY circumstance!

After all, if Annah was the music leader and Zach did what she did when the person walked through the door, you KNOW how that would have gone down.  Yep!

 …But, you know what? These are things we don't want to fight with. Okay, here's an example: you get Harold Eatmon and his team in here…
(Zach: referring to when Freedom Christian Center had our Grand Opening and invited "prophet" Harold, from Harold Eatmon Ministries International, to preach... along with all his bodyguards – yes, they carry weapons – and leadership members)
…we honored them by totally serving them. Okay?...

I’d honor someone who could shoot me…sure!  Where is she going with this tangent?

…Anybody that walks in here, we're honoring them, as leaders (meaning ourselves). If I saw Chuck Porta (an evangelist with Omega Leadership Team) in a restaurant, I would not walk by him, and Zach, like he did matter, I'd have been like so – see I'm opposite of that, I'm like, "Oh, my gosh! Leaders are here." I just like – I'd sit at the table with them if I could. That's who I am.

Leaders schmeaders.  What about the down-and-outers, the laymen, the people who do your dirty work FOR you, the normal families, the old people that need their grass cut and icicles knocked off their eaves, the tornado victims, etc?  Oh.  Right.  Its “piss on them”.  They’re worthless.  “LEADERS” is where it’s at.

Mark: People say, "How do you guys know all these guests and everything you have?" It's because we have honored leaders our whole Christian life. And they recognize that, and so they want to come and minister at our church. So, this whole thing…

Um.  No Mark.  It’s because they have bought into the same scammy bull**** you have been feeding everyone for years.  They know THEY will get the worship (and the money) they deserve when they show up.  Yes, leaders of cultic ministries stick together very well.  It has nothing to do with your stupid ideas about honor.

Speaking of honor, Mark Reid – how many times have you thrown back a few shots with some of these stupid leaders and talked trash about your worthless, pathetic underlings?  Wait…don’t answer that.  You’d lie anyway.

Annah: It's just a teaching, like, one thing I don't want you guys condemnation, but I think that there's an unteachable thing, Zach, with you. I'm being honest with you. I don't know what goes on behind the scenes, but I feel like, Zach, you've got this wall up. That's it's really unteachable right now. And it's like, I think that God is wanting that thing to come down. And you might know a lot about music, but you probably don't know a lot about everything, ya know…

Annah Reid is classic.  Put Zach in his place, make up some baloney about how he doesn’t realize that he has a problem, then she has a ripe field for sowing her rotten oats.

I love that.  “…ya know”.   Yeah.  She’s a professional.

Zach: What's everything?

Booyah!  Bring it Zach.  Make her explain!


Zach.  You’re such a moron.  Don’t you know what that word means?  Sheesh!

Prepare to cough up a lung!

Mark: Well, like life and maturity, and relationships…

Yeah.  He said it!  After all, as we have witnessed throughout this whole exercise, Mark and Annah Reid sure as hell know EVERYTHING about life, maturity, and relationships!  Laughing yet?

Annah: You can be a really good musician, and have a crappy attitude with people.

I agree with Annah here, but I’ll add to it.  Zach is not a really good musician, he’s a DAMN FREAKIN’ AWESOME AS HELL good musician.  Excuse the poorly worded French, but I think it works.  I also agree with Annah about Zach being a tad awkward around people.  But, definitely not in the same way as she thinks. 

Zach grew up in a legalist authoritarian Billy Boy G. cult.  Vision Forum principles ran rampant throughout.  He was disallowed from having friends with any outsiders.  This led to Zach (and myself as his brother) never really learning certain social graces.  Now that we are free from THAT crap, it is high time we begin to learn those.  And Zach is working on it.  But, with people like Mark and Annah Reid constantly coming against him, when he still needs to mature in that area is like sending a criminal to the electric chair AFTER the state governor commuted his sentence.  Annah Reid is an ass.

Mark: See, okay, the teaching I've been doing about maturity…
(Zach: in his sermon series entitled, "24/7 people for a 24/7 God: An end to partial faith and obedience")

That series sounds tiring!  I’m sure Mark Reid gets some sleep while everyone else has to work for god (yes, small ‘g’) 24/7.
…it's not a matter of having gifts, um, but when somebody has gifts then you can mistake them for mature. And, this whole thing – what's been developing over the past few weeks I feel like – has come to light, and when I was developing this message, I was thinking of different people I've known from the past and different people that I know in my present that have gifts and that, but they are not mature in relationships, in honor, in um, in submission or leadership. But they have gifts, and a lot of times we mistake people with gifts to be mature. And it never came to my mind – just being really frank, because I can't keep doing this – it never came to my mind, but, I'll be honest, I think you're one of those people. You've got spiritual gifts, and, uh, you're musically talented, etc…

Huh?  Ok.  Let’s translate for this moron.  Mark Reid sees that Zach, according to Mark’s definition of “godliness” (i.e. spiritual gifts), fits the bill.  But he can’t give Zach that.  Calling Zach a “godly” man due to his spiritual status would be allowing Zach to stand on that characteristic of himself, giving him the ability to swat away the tortures of Mark and Annah Reid.  Because he’s spiritual after all!  But, that can’t happen.  No way, no how!  So, Mark needs to add another level of spirituality for Zach to achieve to prove that he is a worthless s.o.b.

Annah: But God wants to mature you…

Brilliant, Annah!  Wow!  You’re so freakin’ “godly” you repeated what your husband already alluded to.  Moron.  Shut up.

Mark: But there's some character and maturity stuff – I think it, um, I'm not going to label you, but it almost borders on…
Annah: No! Mark!
Mark: Huh?

Annah: No! No.

Mark: Okay, I'm not going to label you, I'm going to just say it. At times, you're the most submissive guy in the world…

Annah: Mhmm…

Mark: ...and it's a joy to serve with you. And then others, there's this swing that basically says in the spirit, "You're not the boss of me!"
Annah: Mhmm…

Mark: "...I'm going to question everything you say. I don't trust you." And it's a wall, and it's a defense. And I feel like that's the mode we're at right now…

Translation:  I’m not going to label you, Zach, but you’re unsubmissive.  Yeah.  THAT’S not a label.  A label is something Greeky or derived from Latin, spouted only by professional demon caster-outers – or doctors (they count too, only when necessary).

Also, did we just witness a marital fight here?  Bad Annah!  Don’t you know that this whole meeting is blessed by God???!!!  There can be NO disagreements between you and Mark because you’re both plugged in to the true Holy Spirit and Zach needs you to channel it for him.  There can be no disagreements because, as you said earlier, Zach doesn’t need God when he has authority to tell him what to do. Bad, bad Annah!  Bad girl!  Down baby, down!

Also, do you notice how Mark and Annah Reid bristle when someone disagrees with them?  It’s automatically – “You’re not the boss of me!”  I’m getting the feeling that these two have an acute insecure inferiority complex.


That’s it for Act Seven.  In Act Eight, Zach tries to step it up a bit on the questioning, attempting to get these two idiots to think about what they are accusing him of. In response (actually, while interrupting), Mark and Annah, in true Mark and Annah Reid fashion, scrape up more trivial and “none of their damn business” issues to deflect the “oh crap, we’ve been slapped down!” moments.


  1. Nice...

    Didn't laugh in this one.

    And they are pastors? Let alone CHRISTIANS?!?!?!?!?!

    Sheep pretending to be in wolves clothing in sheep clothing... If that made any sense.

  2. I believe you when you say you didn't laugh. I'm getting angrier as I write the rest of this. Every once in a while, I have to hop out of my chair and dance around the room, screaming and laughing at the walls and ceiling (ok, I might be slightly insane) when some of their drivel escapes their lips. I simply cannot believe people buy this crap.

  3. I really don't believe people buy it. They hide it well enough that you would have never known.

    Reminds me of something about a song going "Killing me softly with his song"...

    They are slowly poisoning the people who they follow for their benefit.

    Like a frog in a cold pot of water, pretty soon they will never know what hit them.

  4. Every time Annah says something about, "Zach, you're not submitting like a good boy. You are not treating us like gods, and we are gods, Zach. You sometimes have your own thoughts. You do not act like the trained canary we want you to be. You don't kneel seven times beofre approaching us," I just keep thinking, "... Yeah... And?"

    And every time Mark says something similar, I raise my eyebrows and say to myself, "Oh, I forgot about that guy."

    On a slightly different note, Annah (with an h) is a good name for a fictional villain.

  5. Wow! Andrea. Very insightful. We're almost halfway through this "conversation" and about to lose Mark entirely. He'll still be in the room, but the real gonads of the rogue team will be the only one speaking.

    Thanks for reading.

  6. Does anyone wonder what Annah said "No, no" to Mark about? Obviously they have been talkign about it. I wonder if they were going to call him SCHIZOPHRENIC. Fits the bill, doesn't it? Forget the unsubmissive part. Go all the way and just label him in order to marginalize any contribution Zach might have to make.

  7. Great observation, Anonymous4!

    I thought it might have something to do with labels being evil and ungodly in those circles. Being that these two hallucinogenic mushroom-heads are expert demon caster-outers, I figured it had something to do with not wanting Markie Boy to name the demon or they would have to pretend to successfully cast it or them out.

    But, you might be right.

    Thanks for reading!

  8. Didn't laugh at this one...have in the past, but this one just made me angry. My laughter would come out more like a snarl, which is not attractive but very fitting.

    Annah is starting to really blow my mind with her sheer disgusting idioticity. "Please, worship me as much as you do God...see how I step down from my throne to embrace the entering stranger...worship me, you ignorant fool...ya know?"


  9. My goal is to incite anger as well as mirth. There is nothing like the purity of anger to get things fixed.

  10. Do I have your permission to quote you on that, please?

  11. Sure. Anything on this blog better be fair game or I shouldn't be doing it on this venue. I have no skeletons in my closet, and if I do, my opponent can work it over with his DNA scalpel.