Sunday, June 30, 2013

The Great Deceiver: Dr. Kenneth Copley Left Quietly and is Still a Pastor

Read Part 8 - The Great Deceiver: Pregnancy and Coerced Abortion

One day, I shared with Ken Copley that I felt our pastor was having an affair with our worship leader. About a year later they were caught and I was devastated that sin had dragged away our pastor. I called Dr. Copley sobbing and I asked him, "Are we doing the same thing?" He said, "Absolutely not, our situation is very different we are in God's will." Looking back, I wonder why I asked that question? I must have had doubts or I would not have asked.  My heart still sinks with shame when I think about how I was entangled in such an affair and did not believe I was having an affair.

Soon after my abortion, Dr. Copley came to my house and said, "God has yanked my chain. I made you mine and your not mine, I must let you go." I cried and cried because I had been so enmeshed with him over the last two years I did not know how to function on my own. I had been feeling freedom and healing, yet in a new way I was completely handicapped. I did not know what to do. My son saw his mom fall apart and it was not a positive experience.

I told my best friend the truth about what had happened and she said we must tell the counseling board. So we called those in charge over Dr. Copley and informed them of what had happened. My friend actually relayed the information because I was very unstable at this point. Dr. Copley resigned and removed all ties with Christian counseling center.

I was set up with another counselor who helped me process what had happened. I counseled with him for about 3 years. In that time all my vulnerabilities surfaced and I was not once taken advantage of in my immaturity. I discovered that it was not me that was the problem it was the past counselors I had. I needed someone to show me what to do with my issues and not shame me or take advantage of me. Finally I received healing and moved on and I am now married and graduated from Ivy Tech Community College as an RN.

I am now living in the moment and thriving on life. I found out about Ruth, Dr. Copley's daughter's story, I have not been able to shake it from my mind. I now realize that Dr C is a predator and is still in ministry and something must be done to stop this abuse from being perpetrated on anyone else.


According to The Cross at Fort Wayne, IN's website, Dr. Kenneth Copley is still Associate Pastor at this church.

The Great Deceiver: Pregnancy and Coerced Abortion

 Read Part 7 - The Great Deceiver: Dr. Kenneth Copley Begins the Sexual Grooming

After a while we took the next step, he had an orgasm inside of me and later I found out it was his and Elizabeth's (Elizabeth was his wife) anniversary and he said she did not want anything to do with him. He said for Christmas the family did not buy anything for him and he and Ruth, his adopted daughter, sat alone to eat because the rest of the family did not want anything to do with them. He had told me that Ruth had sexually abused one of his other children and that his wife wanted to get rid of her but he fought for her. 

The reason I'm putting my story down on paper is because I read Ruth's story of how he sexually abused her. Now I know Dr. Copley is simply a predator who uses God as a way to get his own needs satisfied.

The day came when I had missed my period and in the middle of the night we drove to the nearest town 30 minutes away and got a pregnancy test, in fact we got two of them. Both revealed I was pregnant. I was so excited because in my deception I believed God wanted us to be together.

It was confusing, but he was my daddy to my child parts and somehow I saw him as someone whom I could marry as well. This makes no sense whatsoever. I was 29 and he was 55. What happened to my perspective of him before he held me? I had seen him as controlling and unnerving, yet after he held me all of a sudden I was emotionally tied in a way that was obviously blocking truth.

So, I find out I'm pregnant. I figured he would take care of things. We were so connected that I could tell what he was thinking without me saying a word. I looked at him the next morning and I asked him what we were going to do and he looked at me. I immediately knew he wanted me to get an abortion.

My heart sank and my mouth went dry. He could surely not ask me to take our child's life? He said we would not be taking our child's life, but we would be sending our baby ahead to see Jesus, and then later we can have another one. It would be too hard on the child to be born and it was too messy at this time, with his wife and family.

I died inside and chose Dr. Copley over my baby. I can hardly write about it without vomiting.  I can't believe I thought I had to have a man and chose him over my baby. What was wrong with me? I was in a trance, doing things that were not in character for me.

Continue to Final Part, Part 9 - Dr. Kenneth Copley Left Quietly and is Still a Pastor

The Great Deceiver: Dr. Kenneth Copley Begins the Sexual Grooming

Read Part 6 - The Great Deceiver: Crawling Up Onto Dr. Ken Copley's Lap

After about a year, deception took over and we started meeting at hotels and spent the night together. It seemed so safe and innocent because nothing sexual had happened. My divorce was finalized in May of 2002 and after that Dr. Copley touched me sexually for the first time. We were at my house and I thought we were having our normal daddy daughter time as we always did.

With my guard down, he touched me and I came to orgasm.

I said to him, "How can this be right? I just had an orgasm with you?"

He said, "Well, let's pray about it."

He prayed and asked The Lord to show us truth. Afterwards he said he was healing me from my sexual abuse and wanted to know if I felt dirty with him? I told him I didn't. He asked if I had felt dirty when I was abused? I told him I had. Then he concluded that this sexual touching could not of course, be wrong.

I let myself be swayed because he was so gentle and he would tell me how beautiful I was while he was stroking me. His voice and his touch made me melt. I kept praying, asking God to please show me what was happening?  I had never experienced sex in such a beautiful way, not even in marriage, so was this wrong?

The emotional enmeshment Dr. Copley developed with my young parts allowed him a road into the depths of my heart in a way that removed all guards and I let him take over my heart. At times our roles would switch and I would love and counsel his little ones because he also had dissociated parts. I would nurse his little ones and sing to him and he would cry through memories.

Dr. Copley and I were completely enmeshed after our first sexual encounter. He would tell me over and over how much he loved who I was and how he liked what he learned from me and would use it when speaking. He would tell me that he felt we were having an Adam an Eve experience before there was sin. He seemed to prove it by not getting an erection when he saw me naked. He would say, "If this was not a God thing, I would be getting an erection." That seemed convincing to me.

Continue to Part 8 - The Great Deceiver: Pregnancy and Coerced Abortion

Thursday, June 27, 2013

I'm Going to Bed

I will finish the series, The Great Deceiver, tomorrow.  I am tired, my beautiful bride just got home, and I work in the morning.  You can begin the series here.

Goodnight all.  And may sexual abuse behind a religious curtain come to an end.


I. C.

The Great Deciever: Crawling Up Onto Dr. Ken Copley's Lap

Read Part 5 - The Great Deceiver: Enter Stage Right - Dr. Ken Copley

I recall our first counseling session. I was in an oppression that had lasted for at least a week. This would happen a lot when I got stuck in a memory. Dr. Ken Copley asked me if I knew what helped me when I went through these oppressions. 

I said, "Waiting for The Lord and quoting scripture."

Then, I said, "what I really want is to crawl up in your lap and let The Lord hold me, I feel that would help my little ones."

I said this nonchalantly, not thinking he would hold me.

He looked at me  and said, "Okay."

I said, "What? Really?"

My little ones inside were jumping for joy, but I felt really uncomfortable. I followed the desires of the little ones and we sat in his lap and the oppression lifted immediately. I felt warm and soft inside. Immediately I felt so bonded to this man and I no longer saw him clearly. My little ones were driving the bus of my life and this was dangerous.

[I interject here to say that I don't really know what the author is meaning by "little ones".  Feelings?  Sexual feelings?  I'm not sure. 

I. C.]

At first, Dr. Copley kept things at a daddy/daughter level, he would hold me and rock me and I would cry through my childhood memories and he would pray over me and ask God to bring truth to the lies. He would say, others would not understand our relationship and we had to be careful what we share with others. Over the 2 years with Dr. Copley, he removed many people from my life.

Continue to Part 7 - The Great Deceiver: Dr. Kenneth Copley Begins the Sexual Grooming

The Great Deceiver: Enter Stage Right...Dr. Ken Copley

 Read Part 4: The Great Deceiver: A Perfect Set-up for Abuse - The Need for a Daddy

I started counseling with a Biblical counseling center out of Indianapolis, IN. in 1999. I worked with one counselor for about 2 years. I was getting increasingly more unstable as we uncovered parts of my past that I had no previous recollection of. The center decided to send me to see a special counselor out in California who had a special understanding of the brain and how abuse and neglect affects brain structures.

In 2001, I spent a week in California and when I left to head home on the plane, I had a very good understanding why I was the way I was and how much I could handle. The counselor and I decided that my husband and I needed a therapeutic separation, so I could get some space to heal and my husband could have some time to do some introspection. 

(Small detail I missed: In 2000: My husband, during a prayer, in front of a counselor asked God to forgive him for committing adultery with 2 different women.  My jaw fell open and I was shocked to find out this information through a prayer. The lay counselor looked at me and stated.."Your husband needs you right now." (my husband was crying). I wanted to scream, my husband needs ME??!  My heart was already like a broken windshield, this betrayal felt like someone took a sledgehammer to my broken windshield. Within 30 min I had a severe migraine and was vomiting.)

So I am heading home on the plane from California to Indianapolis. I arrive at the gate in the California airport and I look up and see Dr. Ken Copley who was the one in charge of the counseling center that sent me to California. I told him that I was on my way back from seeing the special brain counselor. He said, "Well...lets sit together on the plane and you can tell me all about it."

I had seen Dr. Ken Copley in the hallways at the counseling center but I had never counseled with him. I did not care for his presence, something about him unnerved me. I did not trust him. As we spoke on the plane, I felt that I should start counseling with him. I returned to Indiana and shared with my current counselor how I felt like Dr. Ken Copley was going to hurt me, but that I felt I was suppose to counsel with him. Little did I know what was going to happen.

So in 2001, after I came back from California, my husband and I separated and Dr. Ken Copley and I started counseling.

Continue to Part 6 - The Great Deceiver: Crawling Up Onto Dr. Ken Copley's Lap

The Great Deceiver: A Perfect Set-up for Abuse - The Need for a Daddy

Read Part 3 - The Great Deceiver: Never Good Enough and Losing Heart

I physically left my Amish family's home at age 17. I married a man who grew up Amish and we became Mennonite. There came a time in our marriage where I felt I did not respect my husband. I asked him if he had committed adultery? He said no. I told  him that my problem with respect must just be in my past and I'm going to counseling to get some help. He let me believe it was all my fault and I started counseling with a special center that dealt with adults who felt like little children.

I had started to feel like a little girl after a tent revival in 1996 where I was triggered into bitterness I had towards my dad. It was my first experience with the living God. They prayed for me and  I felt like chains fell off of me and my eyes were opened and I could cry and I felt my heart. This led me to feeling like a little girl and all I wanted was a daddy. It was the strangest feeling I had ever had. I was 21 yrs old and I was consumed with this strange desire to sit on a daddy's lap.

The problem with this was not the desire, it was the people who used this desire to their advantage or used it to tell me I was crazy and if only I wanted to get over this desire I could. The problem was me. My family told me the problem was me, my community told me the problem was me, the church told me the problem was me.

Thus, I was set up to believe that it was my fault when counselors exploited my vulnerability.

Continue to Part 5 - The Great Deceiver: Enter Stage Right...Dr. Ken Copley

The Great Deceiver: Never Good Enough and Losing Heart

Read Part 2 - The Great Deceiver: Punishment for Telling

At age 12, I won the Spelling Bee and was to compete at the state level and represent our school. In spite of the fact that we were Amish, my dad was way too stingy to send us to a private Amish school, so we were allowed to go to the public school, where there were only 3 Amish in my entire class of 60.  I had been studying for weeks, memorizing words I could not even pronounce. This was my chance to shine and to make my school proud. Atwood-Hammond was a small school in a town of 2500. If I could go to Washington and bring home the title, that would have been a good way to end eighth grade. Amish were not allowed to pursue a degree beyond eighth grade, so this was it for me. My last chance to leave my  mark. I wanted to play basketball and be a part of the drama team but I was not allowed to do any of these extracurricular activities. So this was truly my one and only chance. My family looked down their nose at me and scowled with contempt when I spoke. The community hated me because of my dad's reputation. School was the only safe place for me to be liked and noticed.

One day while I was sitting in Reading class, my teacher called me out into the coat hall. I could see the look on his face was very sad and troubled. I thought I was getting a death message, by the look on his face. Little did I know it was going to be a death message for my heart. He said, "Your mom called and said you are not allowed to go to the Spelling Bee". My heart dropped and the blood rushed to my face "What?!!!!", I said with shock in my voice.  They had not had the courage to say anything to me? I had had no idea this was coming, I felt betrayed and abandoned in a whole new way.

I arrived home on the bus after getting this message from my teacher and my parents were not at home. I took all the money in the house, the shoes on my feet, left them a note that simply said, "You shouldn't have done it!" I took off on foot and met my friends mother, Sue, whom I had called to pick me up. Sue was adamant that she could not keep me if the police came looking for me. I told her not to worry and that I would take off if they come to the house. Long story short, my friend brought me to my senses when she reminded me that I would never see my niece again. My parents reached me that night but not before I cut my hair from butt length to shoulder length with bangs. I was making a statement of rebellion! I returned home that night, physically, but my heart never returned.

I made a decision that day to never be Amish, for I would never and could never take away an achievement from my child because of a church's rules. I was 12 and would never be the same compliant young lady who had been easily abused prior to this day. I had made many excuses for the way my family treated me, but I could not create an excuse for their behavior this time. They had crossed a line in my book.  I had protected myself from the truth about my parents up until this point in my life. I had a very soft heart and could not bear that my family was the problem, it was easier for me to believe it was all my fault.

Continue to Part 4 - The Great Deceiver: The Perfect Set-up for Abuse - The Need for a Daddy

The Great Deceiver: Punishment for Telling

Read Part 1 - The Great Deceiver: Being Primed for Sexual Abuse

When I was in my early 30's I was experiencing unusual body memories that I had no pictures in my mind to match. I happened to be on the phone one day with my mother and mentioned that I was having some strange feelings in my body, like someone was abusing me but I could not remember anything about it. She said very nonchalantly, oh, well, when your sister got married you told me that your brother had done something sexual to you and your brother was standing there and said you wanted it. Her voice tone changed to a more helpless voice tone and she said, "What was I suppose to do? I had to keep getting read for your
sister's wedding!"  I said, "Well surely  you didn't leave me alone with him again did you?" She stated, " We had to." 

Immediately I knew what had happened. 

My brother had told me that he was giving me a good thing but since I told, I was now going to get hurt, he used a broomstick and put it in my anus and rammed it again and again. I cried and cried, he kicked me and left me laying there. I was so glad  when he was done with me. I thought back to when I was five and had decided it was going to get worse.

I was right.

After my brother finished teaching me the lesson and left me alone, I was so alone I wished I had not told him to stop touching me. I started seeking out the neighbor boys and found myself wanting to be available if they wanted to touch me. Now that I had no affection or anyone wanting to spend time with me, I hoped for someone to touch me in any way they wanted to. I would put up with whatever I could get, because I felt so alone.

I now recognize this problem as the very reason that predators can get away with what they do. They know how to find the vulnerable unstable women who were not given the positive affection they needed and they meet this need while satisfying their own sexual needs. This is violation and abuse at its highest levels. It leaves the victim feeling like it was their fault because they liked it and wanted it. This victim cycle will happen until a healthy counselor stops this cycle for the victim and does not follow through on the victims unhealthy desires. At the end of this story I will share about one such counselor that came into my life and helped me past this cycle in my life. If I had not had this latter experience, I would not know this healthy perspective.

Continue to Part 3 - The Great Deceiver: Never Good Enough and Losing Heart

The Great Deceiver: Being Primed for Sexual Abuse

 This begins the new series.  Also, to read more about Dr. Kenneth Copley, read "The Hammer Drops" series, which details this predator's sexual abuse of his adopted daughter, Ruth.  The names of the victims have been changed in The Great Deceiver, as well as supporting characters and the names of places or organizations, at the request of the author of this story.


I was raised Amish in central Illinois. I am the fourth born and was informed by my mother that dad was very angry when he discovered she was pregnant with me. My mother said she cried through most of the pregnancy because dad would yell at her when he was frustrated with life, which was daily.

I was told that, as an infant, I cried all the time and my dad demanded: "take that baby in the bedroom and shut it up!" It was stressful for both my mom and my sister who tried to keep me quiet so dad would not yell. My brother informed me that dad was fine until I was born and then he started yelling all the time. It seemed I ruined the family when I was born. These facts that were shared with me matched how I felt inside. I struggled with cognitive dissonance, which simply means what you think about something and feel about something do not match. I did not like to be informed about such horrible things that were done and said about me, however, it finally made sense why I felt the way I did. I felt unwanted and when the pain of the past surfaced it was like an uncontrollable emotional bleeding and no comfort was found.

Hopeless despair means I am in pain and no help is on the way. This characterized my childhood and expanded into adulthood as I was a magnet for more abuse.

At age five when children decide what life is all about, I decided that life was not going to get any better.  I recall on my fifth birthday I stood between the two tall wooden telephone poles in our front yard,looked around, and I remember saying to myself, "Look around Sharon, you think this is bad, its going to get worse so brace yourself and move on". In that moment I dissociated and I left my heart there in the middle of those two tall wooden telephone poles.

Also at age five, I recall my brother who was five years older, asking me to go to the barn for a special and secretive time with him. He made me feel like we were going for ice cream or going to look at something special he couldn't wait for  me to see, such as bunnies being born. Instead he would flip me over and make me stand on my head, while he spread my legs and and penetrated me over and over again with his fingers, it hurt really bad. But he told me this was special and that I should never tell anyone because it was a secret good thing he was doing for me. I believed him and so for a couple of years I thought it was okay.

At age eight I decided this was not okay. So I said no, one day, when he reached over to touch me during a card game. We would play cards on his bed and I always wanted to play with him, but he would always want to fondle me. I just wanted to play cards but when I said no to the fondling, he stopped playing cards with me and I was so lonely that I wished I had not told him no.

Part 2 - The Great Deceiver: Punishment for Telling

Car Accidents Are Getting Lame

On Kristine's birthday, I took her to Budget and rented a 2013 Ford Escape for her for a week.  She was excited, shaking out of her shoes to be able to zip around in a brand new vehicle for seven whole days.  That night, on her way home from work, a grain truck hit his brakes in front of another car, in front of her, causing both cars to brake, and Kristine to pile into the back of the front vehicle.  The grain truck left the scene.

Kristine was okay and the Escape only incurred about $1800 in cosmetic damage, but it was enough to shake up my wife for a while.

Then Father's Day happened.  Kristine left for work after I gave her a soft peck on the lips.  Two minutes later, she called me and asked me to come to the scene of an accident.  A black SUV had hit his brakes hard, planning to turn left into the local Dairy Queen.  The three cars behind him piled into each other, Kristine being the back car.

That car was totaled.

So, Kristine dusted off her epic abilities to wheel and deal car salesmen into a deal they don't want to make and bought me a new 2010 Toyota Matrix.  She sealed the deal yesterday around 4:15 PM CST and came and picked me up at work to test drive the thing.

We dropped the car off at the dealership and jumped into our 12 passenger, 2010 Ford E-350 van.  I turned onto an unfamiliar road and came around a curve, watching a car driving about 100 yards in front of me.  I took my eyes off the road for two seconds and then looked up to see the 1998 Honda CRV three feet from my front bumper, dead stopped.

I totaled the van.

Consider how embarrassing it is to call our insurance company for the third time in just a few weeks and file two claims for totaled vehicles and another, as well.  Altogether, 7 vehicles and 10 people were involved in our carnage.  We are timid behind the wheel now.

Now, for the good news...

The Matrix Kristine bought made it home safely to our driveway, my neighbor gave me milk and cookies last night, and a co-worker lent us his 9 passenger minivan until we get the insurance squared away with a new van.

If only we could fix the stress, anxiety, timidity, and worry as easily.

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

I Like My Hair

Living Social.  While that woman's underarms look deliciously barren, I am not your next likely candidate for laser hair removal.  In fact, doing research on your obviously copiously researched choice of yours truly, I inquired of my wife as to whether or not she looked upon my hair enhanced pits and found them aesthetically pleasing, to which she replied, "They're fine."

While that response was less than conclusive, it was enough to note that your targeting of my email inbox with an offer to remove the aforementioned hair was little more than the AARP sending me a snail mail flier, crowing about how they could save me money on my car insurance - at the ripe old age of 33.

I hope you find your intended target audience, but, in the meantime, please send me an offer to grow more underarm hair so that I can hear my wife exclaim, "They're coarse!"


I. C.

Good Morning to You!

Michael Mock, over at Mock Ramblings gave me a good laugh, this morning.

His blog is a great way to get lost in alter-realities, among other things.

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Upcoming Series - The Great Deceiver: Dr. Kenneth Copley Strikes Again

I will be posting a multi-part story from a woman who contacted me about an extended affair she had with Dr. Kenneth Copley, while he was a counselor at a "biblical" counseling center in Carmel, Indiana.

This story is not for young readers, is sexually graphic in nature due to necessity, and has only been minimally altered grammatically by me.

As you will see, the victim struggles with her spirituality and still continues to claim Christianity to this day.  While I am convinced that full healing will only be possible once the shackles of religion is thrown off completely, I have respected the author's desire to portray her perceived wonders of spiritual healing.  I find no fault in that path.

For those who are unfamiliar with my series of the sexual abuse of another victim, Ruth Copley Burger, at the hands of Dr. Kenneth Copley, her adopted father, you can begin that series here.

As reported here, around the time the "Hammer Drops" series went to post, it was discovered that Dr. Kenneth Copley had been a counseling pastor at Brownsburg Baptist Church in Brownsburg, IN.  The church was contacted and the the pastor informed those who contacted him that Dr. Kenneth Copley was no longer employed at the church.

Further research was done and it was discovered that Dr. Kenneth Copley was now employed at The Cross in Fort Wayne, IN.  If you glance over on the right of that page, you will see Dr. Kenneth Copley's name prominently displayed as the Associate Pastor of this church.  If this is still the case, people need to be warned of Dr. Kenneth Copley's propensity to groom his young victims and strike when they are most vulnerable.

I hope you find The Great Deceiver series riveting, horrifying, and a call to stop sexual abuse behind a religious curtain of "good ole' boy" secrecy.

Part 1: Being Primed for Sexual Abuse

Monday, June 10, 2013

A Dad's Park Duties

Being a dad sucks.

So, we have these neighbors.  The woman has four kids.  She grew up blocks away from my wife.  They never knew each other.  Then, years later, both of our families moved to the same lovely neighborhood and we met.  The women became fast friends and our kids will end up marrying each other.

Today, I got a call at work.

"Come to Dairy Queen after work.  Me and the neighbor are walking there with all the kids.  Then we'll go to the park," Kristine barked excitedly into the phone.

...long pause...

"Ok," I squeaked out.

I knew what this meant.  They didn't want my company.  They wanted to talk - and talk a lot! I was to do my fatherly duties.

I would be forced to chase the kids around the park.  Forced to help them swing, pushing them back and forth, back and forth, while they giggled uncontrollably.  Forced to teach them how to navigate an obstacle course that was fourteen times bigger than them and cheer loudly and embarrassingly when they arrived at the end, victorious.  Forced to scare them at the end of the squiggly tunnel slides.  Forced to take off my shoes and splash in the puddles with them.  Forced to...

You get the idea.  

Being a dad sucks.  Next time, we should do Culver's for ice cream!

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

He Loves Me

Jack (4) burst out of the door and ran down the stairs, screaming and weeping.  He was incoherent and obviously completely out of his mind with sadness.  He kept pointing up to the sky and yelling some words, gazing beyond the tops of the trees.  Renaya (11) followed him closely, consoling him for a matter I was yet to be aware of.

"Jack!  What's wrong."

More crying and weeping.  I couldn't understand him.  So, naturally, I asked Renaya.

"I accidentally lost Jack's balloon and it's up there in the sky," she said, matter of factly.

Jack demanded that we drive until we got the balloon and Renaya kept insisting that the helium filled ball of rubber was drifting downward, making it easy to collect the errant balloon before it reached Chicago.

I took another angle and consoled Jack, telling him that other children would enjoy the balloon.  It actually worked and we went inside to eat supper.

Later that night, Kristine came home and I told her the story and informed her that I would be going to Cub Foods to buy Jack three more dark blue balloons, filled with helium, which I did after work the next day.

Jack loved it and beamed the most beautiful smile known to humankind.

I woke up this morning and jumped in the shower.  The bathroom door opened and Jack informed me he had to pee.  He opened the toilet and began to prepare himself when he decided to speak.

"Daddy, I love you because you bought me balloons."

I melted.

"I love you too.  I did it because you cried when your other balloon went up into the sky."

"Well...I hate that balloon now.  That was only one.  Now I have three!"