The Duggars' Moral Superiority: A Religious Right Stronghold, Exposed

The Bible says, in Romans 3:23, "For the wages of sin is death..."

This verse is very well known to both fundamentalist Christians, to which the Duggar clan belong, as well as evangelical Christianity. Sin is a big deal. It requires all humans to die. According to the book of Genesis, the fact that Adam and Eve ate the fruit of 'The Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil', meant that sin was passed down to every human being. Sin was the one genetic thing that everyone got equally.

But the 'death,' spoken of in the book of Romans, wasn't speaking of when we die here on this earth. It was speaking of the eternal death, experienced by those who didn't willingly receive the 'Gift of God'. This gift is mentioned in the next half of the Roman 3:23 verse, "...but the gift of God is eternal life, through Jesus Christ, our Lord".

This gets to the basic doctrinal foundation of the Duggar approach to life. Jesus died on the cross for their sins. They were born with original sin, though the Duggars would never call it that, being that they would be accused of believing in Catholic doctrine, but the essence of the belief is exactly the same. Not only did they inherit the sin of Adam, but they also were guaranteed to actively sin as a mortal human being.

But, not to worry, Christianity has that all fixed up. John 3:16 says, "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whosoever believes in Him, should not perish (die), but have eternal life!"

See? Forgiven. All sins do not matter to the eternal soul of the forgiven. To the Christian, this is a beautiful idea. God is so loving, that he killed his son, shedding the holy blood from his body, to wash us clean of our vile selves.

But let's examine that idea a little more closely.

Psalm 103:12 says, "As far as the east is from the west, so far has [God] removed our transgressions (sin) from us."

This means, once we're "saved", having "believed on the Lord Jesus Christ", trusting that everything the Bible says about him is true, we are no longer a stench to the nostrils of God, but everything we have done, are doing, and will do, that is defined as sin, is now covered by the blood of Jesus. We are sinful no more.

This doctrine is what allows the Duggars to easily say, "God has forgiven us." But, even worse, it also allows the Duggars to turn to the victims of Josh's sexual abuse and say, "God has forgiven Josh!" The victim is then obligated to forgive, as God has forgiven the perpetrator of the sexual abuse. Doing otherwise would be the same as claiming that you were better than God.

As you can see, the consequences for sin, in the Duggar's world, are not of this world. They are eternal. If you die in your sins, having not believed in Jesus, you go to hell, dying an eternal death. If you are forgiven of your sins, having believed in Jesus, you live an eternal life, going to heaven to be with God and his son Jesus.

Contrast this with our system of laws that focuses on the consequences of sin (that which the law considers as criminal) being earthly. If you break a law, you pay the consequences in this life.

The Religious Right claims that America will be destroyed because those that are in charge of our government don't base their laws on God's morality, but on human morality. Even when what they consider as God's morality, converges with our system of laws, somehow it is still inferior to God's morality.

Consider the felonies that Josh Duggar was accused of. Sexually molesting a minor. The consequences for his sin are eternal. He will die a horrible, eternally burning death, in the fires of hell, for his crimes. Except he won't - because he is forgiven, having believed in Jesus. Consequences on this earth, under America's system of laws, are redundant and unnecessary.

This is why, JimBob and Michelle, hiding the accusations for a year and then waiting out the statute of limitations, threatening to hire a lawyer when the heat got too hot on their son, is a perfectly reasonable approach to illegal activity. Due to the moral superiority of God vs. the laws of men (and women), their consequences have already been dealt with.

That sheds light on another concept in the doctrine of sin: Consequences.

Sin has consequences. In fact, the greater the consequences, the farther those that adhere to the doctrine of sin get to puff their chests out with pride. What greater consequences than eternal hell is there for partaking in the pleasures of life, that the Religious Right and the Duggars consider to be sinful? 

They point to the unbeliever as sinful, due to the fact that this unbeliever ignorantly believes that there are no consequences for sin. They mock their sure path to hell.

Except, the unbeliever (as well as those that don't treat laws as lightly as the Duggars) doesn't, in fact, believe there are no consequences for breaking the law. They actually have set up a system of consequences for morality being broken - the same consequences Josh Duggar shirked because his god forgave him of his vile actions. The consequences are very real. They are not imaginary consequences that have already been conveniently avoided forever.

Finally, let's forget about the consequences of Josh's actions, with respect to Josh. We, as a society, view the effects of those actions on the victims, much more highly than the doctrine of sin and forgiveness of those sins views them.

In that world, there is no recompense for the victims. Josh was forgiven by the same god that forgave them for their sins. Thus, since God forgave Josh, they must forgive Josh. End of story. There is no room for the ramifications of Josh's sin on the victims. The entire focus is on Josh. The ramifications of sin (Josh's eternal death) have been taken care of, permanently. Again, there is no focus on the victims. Should they have sinned by inviting Josh's advances, though, that would have been forgiven as well. But that's as far as it goes.

This is why we see every single statement that comes out of the Duggar clan, focusing on the forgiveness that Josh was granted from God. Nowhere is there a concern for the future effects of Josh's actions on the victims. They didn't sin (that we know of), so what happens to them is truly irrelevant. Their only task is to forgive Josh, then move on with their sinless lives.

Fuck You, Faceless Victims. God Forgave Us: The Josh Duggar Saga, Part Deux

Josh's wife, Anna, has released a statement. More of the same navel gazing, only caring about the aggressor, Josh, and having not a care in the world for the victims, except to note that Josh 'sought their forgiveness'.

I can imagine the shock many of you are going through reading this. I remember feeling that same shock. It was not at the point of engagement, or after we were married - it was two years before Josh asked me to marry him. When my family and I first visited the Duggar Home, Josh shared his past teenage mistakes. I was surprised at his openness and humility and at the same time didn't know why he was sharing it. For Josh he wanted not just me but my parents to know who he really was -- even every difficult past mistakes. At that point and over the next two years, Josh shared how the counseling he received changed his life as he continued to do what he was taught. And when you, our sweet fans, first met me when Josh asked me to marry him... I was able to say, "Yes" knowing who Josh really is - someone who had gone down a wrong path and had humbled himself before God and those whom he had offended. Someone who had received the help needed to change the direction of his life and do what is right. I want to say thank you to those who took time over a decade ago to help Josh in a time of crisis. Your investment changed his life from going down the wrong path to doing what is right. If it weren't for your help I would not be here as his wife — celebrating 6 1/2 years of marriage to a man who knows how to be a gentleman and treat a girl right. Thank you to all of you who tirelessly work with children in crisis, you are changing lives and I am forever grateful for all of you.

I highlighted the important parts that truly show the focus of Anna. Her greatest concern is how her 'sweet fans' view her husband.  While I don't disparage that, and actually think that it is a necessary step in any relationship (openness, honesty, love, and forgiveness for past behaviors), three things become clear in her words.

1. Her statement is directed toward her 'sweet fans,' making it seem clear that this is a celebrity driven statement.
2. The only mention of the victims is through the eyes of Josh, the aggressor, where she mentions that he 'humbled himself' before them.
3. Sexually violating minors, including your sisters, multiple times, cannot be dismissed as a mistake.

Seriously, Duggars. You know the drill. I was you once. We knew what sin was. You were supposed to flog yourself for your entire life over it. Sexual sins were the worst kind. In fact, most fundamentalist churches didn't let you serve in a position of leadership if you had been divorced previously. My church nearly kicked me out because I had premarital sex.

Sin is a BIG DEAL in that culture! We never called sin "a mistake." Where is this rhetoric coming from? Is it because Josh was a child (teen) when this happened?  Or is it because of the money and spotless image that you're going to lose.

Why can't you talk about the subject in the vile terms that it actually was?

And it isn't a mistake when your daddy fights to keep it under wraps, by hiring a lawyer. It isn't a mistake when your daddy waits for a year to report the incidents. It just isn't a mistake.

And the victims. Your own sisters-in-law, among others, potentially more. How would it make you feel, Anna, if all the public statements about a filthy young man, who violated you, destroying the innocence of your childhood, focused on HIS humility, and how God forgave HIM! And summarily dismissed your feelings, because, after all, they don't really matter. By gosh, Josh humbled himself before you, and God forgave him.

Also, keep this very key thought in your mind:

Your culture teaches you that it is up to the woman to not cause a man to stumble. So was it the little girls' fault? Were they dressed provocatively? Did they lead Josh on?

Try again with the public statement.

Love,

I. C.

Fuck You, Faceless Victims. God Forgave Us: The Josh Duggar Saga

So Josh Duggar sexually violated five girls, including family members. This we know. He touched their breasts and genitals. This we also know, from the police report. Josh has resigned his cushy job as Executive Director of FRC Action, the virulently anti-everything (especially the gayz) political arm of the Family Research Council, also anti-gay. This we also know.

But not to worry. It's all fixed up. God forgave Josh and his daddy for not reporting the abuse for a whole year. We know this because, gee golly, they said so!

Even though we would never choose to go through something so terrible, each one of our family members drew closer to God. We pray that as people watch our lives they see that we are not a perfect family. We have challenges and struggles every day. It is one of the reasons we treasure our faith so much because God's kindness and goodness and forgiveness are extended to us – even though we are so undeserving. We hope somehow the story of our journey – the good times and the difficult times – cause you to see the kindness of God and learn that He can bring you through anything. - Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar

 Let's parse this pathetic rape apologist bullshit:

 Even though we would never choose to go through something so terrible...

Please tell me how this was not your choice? Did wonder-boy, Josh accidentally touch the girls? Did perfect dad, JimBob, trip and fall on his way to report the crime to the police, preventing him from doing so for an entire year? Or, are you saying that your god granted you this sorrowful test, giving you this trial in this life, so your righteousness can be refined?

But...the victims. The girls.

...each one of our family members drew closer to God.

Fuck your family members. Who gives a rats ass about your family (except, of course, the sisters of Joshie Boy that he fingered). If your god cares more about how your family went through something terrible, than to love and make whole again, the lives of those Josh sexually abused, then fuck your god. He's not worthy of anyone's praise.

We pray that as people watch our lives they see that we are not a perfect family.

You don't say. But, guys...we're not worried about the tarnishing of your perfect image here. Well...most of us, anyway.  Your Gothardite and fundagelical fans are yelling, "They're covered by the blood of Jesus!" No no...we already knew you weren't perfect, according to the old adage that nobody is. But this isn't a 'sweep under the rug,' nobody's perfect moment. No, this is much worse than that.

We have challenges and struggles every day.

 Like fingering little girls? Challenges? Struggles? Okay...struggles makes a little bit of sense. But, Jesus...challenges????!!!! But no...if one of you is 'struggling' with sexual advances toward non-consenting little girls, that is an issue that needs to be dealt with. It cannot be wrapped up with other daily challenges and struggles like children forgetting to flush the damn toilet.

But wait...they are about to say that Jesus helps them.

It is one of the reasons we treasure our faith so much because God's kindness and goodness and forgiveness are extended to us – even though we are so undeserving.

They did!!!!!! God forgave Josh! God forgave JimBob! Puh-raaaaaaze JESUS!!! Everything is better now. The show can go on. 

But the girls. What about them?

We hope somehow the story of our journey – the good times and the difficult times – cause you to see the kindness of God and learn that He can bring you through anything.

Journey? Now this is just part of a journey? Right on. 

It's all about the Duggars. That much is clear. They have NO INTEREST in the victims being made whole again, EXCEPT that Josh asked them to forgive him and, according to their religious expectations, they did.

BOOM! The girls are all fixed up. The show can go on! Move along now. Nothing to see here.

Isn't God great!

Another Hephzibah House Abuse Story

On January 8, 2012, I wrote a blog post titled, Tim Dunkin's Hephzibah House Faux Pas, in response to a terrible article by Dunkin himself.  It was, and still is, one of the most read post on Incongruous Circumspection. 

In that post, you'll find links to other first-person survivors of the extreme HH abuse stories, as well as a robust conversation in the comments when one Lucinda, a staunch defender of HH, begins to attack those who are telling their stories.  

Today, one of the commenters posted the following anecdote, in response to Lucinda's claims that abuse simply did not happen at HH.  I have edited out some personal religious opinions for the purpose of this post, but feel free to read the comment in it's entirety.

Are you serious? Ok, so let me get this straight Lucinda. When I was there, I followed their rules to the letter. Always had my [Bible] verses memorized, always completed chores quickly and thoroughly, never mouthed off or argued. 

My one "crime' was that one night I wet the bed because they would not allow me to go to the bathroom. The incident was extremely embarrassing for me, and having to tell them in front of all the other girls, even more so. So they put me in diapers and made it a point to tell all the other girls how nasty I was. Of course this further humiliation and stress added to the fact that they would refuse to let me go to bathroom when I clearly needed to only made things worse. 

There was also the isolation.....speaking partners? Yeah....mine left the week after I got there and for the next 8 months I was not allowed to speak to a single other person there other than staff. I got one phone call with my family the entire time I was there. Once I accidentally made eye contact with another girl. Since that was considered "communication" I was punished by not getting dinner. On top of that I was stood up in front of the entire school and raked over the coals by Naomi, who told me how worthless I was, and that I was possessed by demons and the my parents would never love me because I was so rebellious. 

Yeah, rebellious.....because they forced me to drink more liquid then (sic) I could hold and then refused to let me go to the bathroom. Once when [we] were standing in line waiting for bathroom break, Naomi spotted a drop of water on the floor. It was immediately blamed on me......the fact that I hadn't had an accident was irrelevant, they were convinced I had somehow peed one drop on the floor and so as a punishment I had to scrub the brick floor of the entire building. Alone. and of course on hands and knees. My knees were bruised and blistered for days, but of course they didn't care. 

And all the while, while they were telling my family I was rebellious and disrespectful and refused to follow the rules....outright lies. 

Once while getting ready for church, I didn't move away from the mirror in the dorm fast enough to please Naomi so she grabbed me by the back of my dress and literally threw me down on the floor, But that was also my fault because that extra .5 seconds I was standing there was rebellion. So eventually, they told my parents that I was demon possessed and a hopeless case, that I would never change and they kicked me out. 

The day I left I got called to William's office. I was lectured sternly on what a horrible, wicked person I was and that he prayed that God would save my soul from the fires of hell, but he feared it was too late for me. I was then laid down on the floor and spanked. And by spanked I mean beat so hard and so many strikes that my buttocks were bleeding. Literally bleeding. 

So now how about you go and argue that was NOT abuse. If you truly believe that then I feel for you because you are more brainwashed and ignorant then I ever imagined. 

Furthermore, not only did they blatantly lie to my parents about how I was behaving and that they had NOT spanked me, but my parents took out a load to pay for the full 15 months I was supposed to be there in advance. They never got a dime back. 

As for Patty William's, she was a bitter, angry, hateful woman who specialized in degrading others ( believe[d] calling us whore's (sic) and slut[s] and telling us how lazy we were while all 300 lbs of her perched on her balcony above us was her specialty) ... 

Oh did I mention that when I arrived home I was down to 101 lbs, from the 143 I was when I arrived there. I'm 5'9", so that is dangerously skinny. I also had a massive UTI from being forced to hold my urine for hours. 15 years later I still have nightmares about that place. So go ahead and keep deluding yourself. I feel for you, and pray that you will see the truth.

And that is why I write about this.  Hephzibah House is evil, is still in business, and the state of Indiana refuses to do anything about the alleged abuse.  Religious boarding schools flock to that state because of its complete lack of regulation over them.

Also, read about Ken Copley, the pastor that sexually abused his adopted daughter, and is now happily pastoring a church in Fort Wayne, IN. 

The Great Deceiver: Dr. Kenneth Copley Left Quietly and is Still a Pastor

Read Part 8 - The Great Deceiver: Pregnancy and Coerced Abortion

One day, I shared with Ken Copley that I felt our pastor was having an affair with our worship leader. About a year later they were caught and I was devastated that sin had dragged away our pastor. I called Dr. Copley sobbing and I asked him, "Are we doing the same thing?" He said, "Absolutely not, our situation is very different we are in God's will." Looking back, I wonder why I asked that question? I must have had doubts or I would not have asked.  My heart still sinks with shame when I think about how I was entangled in such an affair and did not believe I was having an affair.

Soon after my abortion, Dr. Copley came to my house and said, "God has yanked my chain. I made you mine and your not mine, I must let you go." I cried and cried because I had been so enmeshed with him over the last two years I did not know how to function on my own. I had been feeling freedom and healing, yet in a new way I was completely handicapped. I did not know what to do. My son saw his mom fall apart and it was not a positive experience.

I told my best friend the truth about what had happened and she said we must tell the counseling board. So we called those in charge over Dr. Copley and informed them of what had happened. My friend actually relayed the information because I was very unstable at this point. Dr. Copley resigned and removed all ties with Christian counseling center.

I was set up with another counselor who helped me process what had happened. I counseled with him for about 3 years. In that time all my vulnerabilities surfaced and I was not once taken advantage of in my immaturity. I discovered that it was not me that was the problem it was the past counselors I had. I needed someone to show me what to do with my issues and not shame me or take advantage of me. Finally I received healing and moved on and I am now married and graduated from Ivy Tech Community College as an RN.

I am now living in the moment and thriving on life. I found out about Ruth, Dr. Copley's daughter's story, I have not been able to shake it from my mind. I now realize that Dr C is a predator and is still in ministry and something must be done to stop this abuse from being perpetrated on anyone else.

******

According to The Cross at Fort Wayne, IN's website, Dr. Kenneth Copley is still Associate Pastor at this church.

The Great Deceiver: Pregnancy and Coerced Abortion

 Read Part 7 - The Great Deceiver: Dr. Kenneth Copley Begins the Sexual Grooming

After a while we took the next step, he had an orgasm inside of me and later I found out it was his and Elizabeth's (Elizabeth was his wife) anniversary and he said she did not want anything to do with him. He said for Christmas the family did not buy anything for him and he and Ruth, his adopted daughter, sat alone to eat because the rest of the family did not want anything to do with them. He had told me that Ruth had sexually abused one of his other children and that his wife wanted to get rid of her but he fought for her. 

The reason I'm putting my story down on paper is because I read Ruth's story of how he sexually abused her. Now I know Dr. Copley is simply a predator who uses God as a way to get his own needs satisfied.

The day came when I had missed my period and in the middle of the night we drove to the nearest town 30 minutes away and got a pregnancy test, in fact we got two of them. Both revealed I was pregnant. I was so excited because in my deception I believed God wanted us to be together.

It was confusing, but he was my daddy to my child parts and somehow I saw him as someone whom I could marry as well. This makes no sense whatsoever. I was 29 and he was 55. What happened to my perspective of him before he held me? I had seen him as controlling and unnerving, yet after he held me all of a sudden I was emotionally tied in a way that was obviously blocking truth.

So, I find out I'm pregnant. I figured he would take care of things. We were so connected that I could tell what he was thinking without me saying a word. I looked at him the next morning and I asked him what we were going to do and he looked at me. I immediately knew he wanted me to get an abortion.

My heart sank and my mouth went dry. He could surely not ask me to take our child's life? He said we would not be taking our child's life, but we would be sending our baby ahead to see Jesus, and then later we can have another one. It would be too hard on the child to be born and it was too messy at this time, with his wife and family.

I died inside and chose Dr. Copley over my baby. I can hardly write about it without vomiting.  I can't believe I thought I had to have a man and chose him over my baby. What was wrong with me? I was in a trance, doing things that were not in character for me.

Continue to Final Part, Part 9 - Dr. Kenneth Copley Left Quietly and is Still a Pastor

The Great Deceiver: Dr. Kenneth Copley Begins the Sexual Grooming

Read Part 6 - The Great Deceiver: Crawling Up Onto Dr. Ken Copley's Lap

After about a year, deception took over and we started meeting at hotels and spent the night together. It seemed so safe and innocent because nothing sexual had happened. My divorce was finalized in May of 2002 and after that Dr. Copley touched me sexually for the first time. We were at my house and I thought we were having our normal daddy daughter time as we always did.

With my guard down, he touched me and I came to orgasm.

I said to him, "How can this be right? I just had an orgasm with you?"

He said, "Well, let's pray about it."

He prayed and asked The Lord to show us truth. Afterwards he said he was healing me from my sexual abuse and wanted to know if I felt dirty with him? I told him I didn't. He asked if I had felt dirty when I was abused? I told him I had. Then he concluded that this sexual touching could not of course, be wrong.

I let myself be swayed because he was so gentle and he would tell me how beautiful I was while he was stroking me. His voice and his touch made me melt. I kept praying, asking God to please show me what was happening?  I had never experienced sex in such a beautiful way, not even in marriage, so was this wrong?

The emotional enmeshment Dr. Copley developed with my young parts allowed him a road into the depths of my heart in a way that removed all guards and I let him take over my heart. At times our roles would switch and I would love and counsel his little ones because he also had dissociated parts. I would nurse his little ones and sing to him and he would cry through memories.

Dr. Copley and I were completely enmeshed after our first sexual encounter. He would tell me over and over how much he loved who I was and how he liked what he learned from me and would use it when speaking. He would tell me that he felt we were having an Adam an Eve experience before there was sin. He seemed to prove it by not getting an erection when he saw me naked. He would say, "If this was not a God thing, I would be getting an erection." That seemed convincing to me.

Continue to Part 8 - The Great Deceiver: Pregnancy and Coerced Abortion

The Great Deciever: Crawling Up Onto Dr. Ken Copley's Lap

Read Part 5 - The Great Deceiver: Enter Stage Right - Dr. Ken Copley

I recall our first counseling session. I was in an oppression that had lasted for at least a week. This would happen a lot when I got stuck in a memory. Dr. Ken Copley asked me if I knew what helped me when I went through these oppressions. 

I said, "Waiting for The Lord and quoting scripture."

Then, I said, "what I really want is to crawl up in your lap and let The Lord hold me, I feel that would help my little ones."

I said this nonchalantly, not thinking he would hold me.

He looked at me  and said, "Okay."

I said, "What? Really?"

My little ones inside were jumping for joy, but I felt really uncomfortable. I followed the desires of the little ones and we sat in his lap and the oppression lifted immediately. I felt warm and soft inside. Immediately I felt so bonded to this man and I no longer saw him clearly. My little ones were driving the bus of my life and this was dangerous.

[I interject here to say that I don't really know what the author is meaning by "little ones".  Feelings?  Sexual feelings?  I'm not sure. 

I. C.]
 
At first, Dr. Copley kept things at a daddy/daughter level, he would hold me and rock me and I would cry through my childhood memories and he would pray over me and ask God to bring truth to the lies. He would say, others would not understand our relationship and we had to be careful what we share with others. Over the 2 years with Dr. Copley, he removed many people from my life.

Continue to Part 7 - The Great Deceiver: Dr. Kenneth Copley Begins the Sexual Grooming

The Great Deceiver: Enter Stage Right...Dr. Ken Copley

 Read Part 4: The Great Deceiver: A Perfect Set-up for Abuse - The Need for a Daddy

I started counseling with a Biblical counseling center out of Indianapolis, IN. in 1999. I worked with one counselor for about 2 years. I was getting increasingly more unstable as we uncovered parts of my past that I had no previous recollection of. The center decided to send me to see a special counselor out in California who had a special understanding of the brain and how abuse and neglect affects brain structures.

In 2001, I spent a week in California and when I left to head home on the plane, I had a very good understanding why I was the way I was and how much I could handle. The counselor and I decided that my husband and I needed a therapeutic separation, so I could get some space to heal and my husband could have some time to do some introspection. 

(Small detail I missed: In 2000: My husband, during a prayer, in front of a counselor asked God to forgive him for committing adultery with 2 different women.  My jaw fell open and I was shocked to find out this information through a prayer. The lay counselor looked at me and stated.."Your husband needs you right now." (my husband was crying). I wanted to scream, my husband needs ME??!  My heart was already like a broken windshield, this betrayal felt like someone took a sledgehammer to my broken windshield. Within 30 min I had a severe migraine and was vomiting.)

So I am heading home on the plane from California to Indianapolis. I arrive at the gate in the California airport and I look up and see Dr. Ken Copley who was the one in charge of the counseling center that sent me to California. I told him that I was on my way back from seeing the special brain counselor. He said, "Well...lets sit together on the plane and you can tell me all about it."

I had seen Dr. Ken Copley in the hallways at the counseling center but I had never counseled with him. I did not care for his presence, something about him unnerved me. I did not trust him. As we spoke on the plane, I felt that I should start counseling with him. I returned to Indiana and shared with my current counselor how I felt like Dr. Ken Copley was going to hurt me, but that I felt I was suppose to counsel with him. Little did I know what was going to happen.

So in 2001, after I came back from California, my husband and I separated and Dr. Ken Copley and I started counseling.

Continue to Part 6 - The Great Deceiver: Crawling Up Onto Dr. Ken Copley's Lap

The Great Deceiver: A Perfect Set-up for Abuse - The Need for a Daddy

Read Part 3 - The Great Deceiver: Never Good Enough and Losing Heart

I physically left my Amish family's home at age 17. I married a man who grew up Amish and we became Mennonite. There came a time in our marriage where I felt I did not respect my husband. I asked him if he had committed adultery? He said no. I told  him that my problem with respect must just be in my past and I'm going to counseling to get some help. He let me believe it was all my fault and I started counseling with a special center that dealt with adults who felt like little children.

I had started to feel like a little girl after a tent revival in 1996 where I was triggered into bitterness I had towards my dad. It was my first experience with the living God. They prayed for me and  I felt like chains fell off of me and my eyes were opened and I could cry and I felt my heart. This led me to feeling like a little girl and all I wanted was a daddy. It was the strangest feeling I had ever had. I was 21 yrs old and I was consumed with this strange desire to sit on a daddy's lap.

The problem with this was not the desire, it was the people who used this desire to their advantage or used it to tell me I was crazy and if only I wanted to get over this desire I could. The problem was me. My family told me the problem was me, my community told me the problem was me, the church told me the problem was me.

Thus, I was set up to believe that it was my fault when counselors exploited my vulnerability.

Continue to Part 5 - The Great Deceiver: Enter Stage Right...Dr. Ken Copley

The Great Deceiver: Never Good Enough and Losing Heart

Read Part 2 - The Great Deceiver: Punishment for Telling

At age 12, I won the Spelling Bee and was to compete at the state level and represent our school. In spite of the fact that we were Amish, my dad was way too stingy to send us to a private Amish school, so we were allowed to go to the public school, where there were only 3 Amish in my entire class of 60.  I had been studying for weeks, memorizing words I could not even pronounce. This was my chance to shine and to make my school proud. Atwood-Hammond was a small school in a town of 2500. If I could go to Washington and bring home the title, that would have been a good way to end eighth grade. Amish were not allowed to pursue a degree beyond eighth grade, so this was it for me. My last chance to leave my  mark. I wanted to play basketball and be a part of the drama team but I was not allowed to do any of these extracurricular activities. So this was truly my one and only chance. My family looked down their nose at me and scowled with contempt when I spoke. The community hated me because of my dad's reputation. School was the only safe place for me to be liked and noticed.

One day while I was sitting in Reading class, my teacher called me out into the coat hall. I could see the look on his face was very sad and troubled. I thought I was getting a death message, by the look on his face. Little did I know it was going to be a death message for my heart. He said, "Your mom called and said you are not allowed to go to the Spelling Bee". My heart dropped and the blood rushed to my face "What?!!!!", I said with shock in my voice.  They had not had the courage to say anything to me? I had had no idea this was coming, I felt betrayed and abandoned in a whole new way.

I arrived home on the bus after getting this message from my teacher and my parents were not at home. I took all the money in the house, the shoes on my feet, left them a note that simply said, "You shouldn't have done it!" I took off on foot and met my friends mother, Sue, whom I had called to pick me up. Sue was adamant that she could not keep me if the police came looking for me. I told her not to worry and that I would take off if they come to the house. Long story short, my friend brought me to my senses when she reminded me that I would never see my niece again. My parents reached me that night but not before I cut my hair from butt length to shoulder length with bangs. I was making a statement of rebellion! I returned home that night, physically, but my heart never returned.

I made a decision that day to never be Amish, for I would never and could never take away an achievement from my child because of a church's rules. I was 12 and would never be the same compliant young lady who had been easily abused prior to this day. I had made many excuses for the way my family treated me, but I could not create an excuse for their behavior this time. They had crossed a line in my book.  I had protected myself from the truth about my parents up until this point in my life. I had a very soft heart and could not bear that my family was the problem, it was easier for me to believe it was all my fault.

Continue to Part 4 - The Great Deceiver: The Perfect Set-up for Abuse - The Need for a Daddy

The Great Deceiver: Punishment for Telling

Read Part 1 - The Great Deceiver: Being Primed for Sexual Abuse

When I was in my early 30's I was experiencing unusual body memories that I had no pictures in my mind to match. I happened to be on the phone one day with my mother and mentioned that I was having some strange feelings in my body, like someone was abusing me but I could not remember anything about it. She said very nonchalantly, oh, well, when your sister got married you told me that your brother had done something sexual to you and your brother was standing there and said you wanted it. Her voice tone changed to a more helpless voice tone and she said, "What was I suppose to do? I had to keep getting read for your
sister's wedding!"  I said, "Well surely  you didn't leave me alone with him again did you?" She stated, " We had to." 

Immediately I knew what had happened. 

My brother had told me that he was giving me a good thing but since I told, I was now going to get hurt, he used a broomstick and put it in my anus and rammed it again and again. I cried and cried, he kicked me and left me laying there. I was so glad  when he was done with me. I thought back to when I was five and had decided it was going to get worse.

I was right.

After my brother finished teaching me the lesson and left me alone, I was so alone I wished I had not told him to stop touching me. I started seeking out the neighbor boys and found myself wanting to be available if they wanted to touch me. Now that I had no affection or anyone wanting to spend time with me, I hoped for someone to touch me in any way they wanted to. I would put up with whatever I could get, because I felt so alone.

I now recognize this problem as the very reason that predators can get away with what they do. They know how to find the vulnerable unstable women who were not given the positive affection they needed and they meet this need while satisfying their own sexual needs. This is violation and abuse at its highest levels. It leaves the victim feeling like it was their fault because they liked it and wanted it. This victim cycle will happen until a healthy counselor stops this cycle for the victim and does not follow through on the victims unhealthy desires. At the end of this story I will share about one such counselor that came into my life and helped me past this cycle in my life. If I had not had this latter experience, I would not know this healthy perspective.

Continue to Part 3 - The Great Deceiver: Never Good Enough and Losing Heart

The Great Deceiver: Being Primed for Sexual Abuse

 This begins the new series.  Also, to read more about Dr. Kenneth Copley, read "The Hammer Drops" series, which details this predator's sexual abuse of his adopted daughter, Ruth.  The names of the victims have been changed in The Great Deceiver, as well as supporting characters and the names of places or organizations, at the request of the author of this story.

******

I was raised Amish in central Illinois. I am the fourth born and was informed by my mother that dad was very angry when he discovered she was pregnant with me. My mother said she cried through most of the pregnancy because dad would yell at her when he was frustrated with life, which was daily.

I was told that, as an infant, I cried all the time and my dad demanded: "take that baby in the bedroom and shut it up!" It was stressful for both my mom and my sister who tried to keep me quiet so dad would not yell. My brother informed me that dad was fine until I was born and then he started yelling all the time. It seemed I ruined the family when I was born. These facts that were shared with me matched how I felt inside. I struggled with cognitive dissonance, which simply means what you think about something and feel about something do not match. I did not like to be informed about such horrible things that were done and said about me, however, it finally made sense why I felt the way I did. I felt unwanted and when the pain of the past surfaced it was like an uncontrollable emotional bleeding and no comfort was found.

Hopeless despair means I am in pain and no help is on the way. This characterized my childhood and expanded into adulthood as I was a magnet for more abuse.

At age five when children decide what life is all about, I decided that life was not going to get any better.  I recall on my fifth birthday I stood between the two tall wooden telephone poles in our front yard,looked around, and I remember saying to myself, "Look around Sharon, you think this is bad, its going to get worse so brace yourself and move on". In that moment I dissociated and I left my heart there in the middle of those two tall wooden telephone poles.

Also at age five, I recall my brother who was five years older, asking me to go to the barn for a special and secretive time with him. He made me feel like we were going for ice cream or going to look at something special he couldn't wait for  me to see, such as bunnies being born. Instead he would flip me over and make me stand on my head, while he spread my legs and and penetrated me over and over again with his fingers, it hurt really bad. But he told me this was special and that I should never tell anyone because it was a secret good thing he was doing for me. I believed him and so for a couple of years I thought it was okay.

At age eight I decided this was not okay. So I said no, one day, when he reached over to touch me during a card game. We would play cards on his bed and I always wanted to play with him, but he would always want to fondle me. I just wanted to play cards but when I said no to the fondling, he stopped playing cards with me and I was so lonely that I wished I had not told him no.

Part 2 - The Great Deceiver: Punishment for Telling

The Hammer Drops - Dr. Ken Copley Employed Again

Many of my readers may be familiar with the series about Dr. Ken Copley sexually molesting his adopted daughter, Ruth Copley Burger.  If not, it is a nine part series, written from the pen of Ruth herself, telling the gruesome details.  The first part is titled, Adoption Into A Family.

Just before publishing this series, we discovered that Dr. Ken Copley was employed at Brownsburg Baptist Church in Brownsburg, Indiana as the Counseling Pastor.  In a whirlwind of confusing events where many phone calls were placed to the church and a letter was even sent to the governor of Indiana, Mitch Daniels, Incongruous Circumspection was informed that Dr. Ken Copley was no longer employed at the church and the website was scrubbed of all his information.

The trail went cold - until now.

Dr. Ken Copley is now employed at The Cross in Fort Wayne, Indiana.  You can view his name on the right of the home page.  And yes, he is the Associate Pastor. 

Why am I telling you this?  Simple.  Dr. Ken Copley has never once admitted to his crimes.  He hasn't even addressed the allegations in a public forum.  He has also never provided information to rebut the allegations.  More importantly, having never confessed to his crimes, Dr. Ken Copley has never admitted to himself that he has a problem and needs to be rehabilitated for his sexual deviance. 

In short, Dr. Ken Copley is in a position of authority, in a religious institution, which brings through its doors, many trusting individuals - especially women and young girls - never being given the opportunity to completely vet their associate pastor for his alleged sexual crimes.  They have the right to know.  The parents who attend that church has the right to know the danger that exists right under their noses.

I hope justice will prevail and nobody else will ever be harmed.

The Hammer Drops: Dr. Kenneth Copley Exposed - The Pedophile Begins to Groom

Begin reading the series here.  Or, go back to A Curious Child.

*****

During this time at the ITC, my dad started exhibiting strange behavior.  First it was simply cuddling while he cupped my butt.  Then he would hold me and rub himself against me over and over and over again.  He’d make me stand up and wrap my arms around his waist while he held me close and gyrated against me.  Then he received keys that allowed him access to any empty room at the ITC. 

Occasionally, he would enter the room and have me follow him down the hall to a separate, locked room.  Once my older sibling asked him what he needed me for and he said he was praying with me down the hall.  He wasn’t praying, he was holding and groping me through my clothes.  But he insisted he was counseling and praying over me to anyone who asked.

Once, he woke me up in the middle of the night, took me across the hall to an empty room that only he had access too.  He sat down in the chair and begged to see me naked.  He promised he wouldn’t touch; he would only “look.”  I started crying and refused.  He took me back to my room and had me lay spread eagled on my back while he pulled my underwear down and caressed my pubic area while murmuring, “You’re so beautiful.”

I didn’t know this was molestation.  I didn’t know this was sexual abuse.  I didn’t know I was being groomed by a pedophile.  I didn’t even know for sure if what he was doing was WRONG since HE was the one who beat me and separated me for doing far LESS than what he was doing now.  All I knew was that I wanted to kill myself.  I didn’t want to live separated from the family for the rest of my life and I didn’t want my dad touching me.  So I started to fantasize about cutting my wrists, overdosing, or throwing myself off the thirteenth story of the ITC.

During this time, I began to over eat and steal from family members.  This made my mom hate me even more.  She told me things like, “You should never have been born.  I wish I had never laid eyes on you.”  Then of course, to make everything she said “godly,” she would iterate, “And if you lived in the Bible times, we’d have you stoned to death.”  Great.  So on one hand my dad is molesting me while my mother is saying that by God’s mouth and if it was legally possible, I would be put to death at age 11 and 12.  Nice.  In the meantime, my dad was leading me in all sorts of prayers for demonization, giving ground to Satan, and generational curses as means to stop behavior that resulted from his hand. 

Read Part Six - Everything but Rape.

The Story of Liz Franklin, Installment 5 - Spiritual Abuse Turns Sexual

Hearken back to Installment 4.  There, you'll read about Liz's attempts to become the most holy little girl on the face of the earth.  The only problem with that ideal was that everyone around her kept convincing her that she was worthless and sinful beyond all reason.  This led her to work harder toward perfection, wrapping herself in a prison of rules.  There was no joy left.

We left off with a small view of a camp meeting.  Let's look into that a bit deeper.

*****

There were three camp meeting sessions during the summer months: business meetings, in which rules were set, in June, youth camp in July, and family camp in August.  Those were times of great and intense spiritual battles for everyone, which is to say being told how scummy we were, and how hot hell is for those "not willing".  Spiritual battles became 1000 times more intense in the company of thousands of saints than in the quiet church at home where the attendance was about 20.  I looked forward to these every year.  I don't know why I never caught on that it wasn't working for me.  No matter how scared I got, I just couldn't be willing.  Even in the midst of thousands of saints, and hundreds of sinners, I became known. Being the only one at that infernal altar all the time will do that for a person.  It was here that I became enslaved to another rule (looking back, this embarrasses me so much). 

One thing the church wanted was testimonies.  You had to get up and share what god had done for you.  That was relatively easy at home in front of 20 people.  But here, people got up and testified. Shoot, people ran screaming around the tabernacle.  And god began to require it of me.  Or someone began to require it of me.  Do you have any idea how scary it was to stand up in front of thousands of people and talk about how unworthy I was, but how grateful I was that god hadn't struck me dead?  And then!, I thought, if testifying was good, walking (never could run) around the tabernacle had to be better.  I thought if I did the stuff that was hard for me, god would see that I was indeed willing for my will to be broken. 

Just like that, testifying became something I had to do if I wanted victory.  I testified EVERYWHERE.  At first, I let other people open the floor to testimonies; then I began to think I needed to be willing to do the opening.  So I did. Every where.  Every service, even when it wasn't appropriate.  I completely humiliated myself in front of I don't even know how many people to show god that I was willing to die to myself.  I only succeeded in making myself the object of scorn and pity.  Even that wasn't enough to balance the scales in my favor.

By now, I was an older teenager.  My life had been hell, but apparently not hell enough.  After having gone to the altar without success more often than I changed socks, the pastor and his wife decided it was time to get serious.  'Cuz up til now, I'd been having a ball.  So we talked one night at church, and it was decided I had demons. 

Now, demons were just not talked about in that church.  Ever.  So this was a serious charge they were leveling.  And, understand, outwardly, as far as they could tell, I was toeing the party line.  I wasn't any different outwardly than anyone in the church. The only reason they knew there was a problem was my frequent trips to the altar.  By this time, though, I'd given up.  I'd made myself miserable, demanded the impossible, denied every single thing that made me me, made myself sick, even trying to break my will enough to be worthy of god.  It was when I quit going to the altar that they decided I had demons.  So, plans were made to pray with me at home.  At first, it was the pastor and his wife.  We spent time reading about hell, and the need to repent, and be willing.  If I wasn't willing, god would have to break me.  By this time, I didn't think there was much left to break, but that didn't matter much. 

Prayer was not the only thing happening during these meetings.  Somehow, someone figured that raping me would drive them out.  When the meetings were with the pastor and his wife, she'd observe, clapping her hands and rhythmically chant "Drive them out!  Drive them out!"

When another board member was introduced into the meetings, he also took part in this new "ministry". The tone ranged from angry and painful to jovial and painful.  During the angry part, they listed my sins, in time to what they were doing.  I was sinful.  I had the spirit of rebellion.  I was scum.  I deserved this because I was making them do this to me.  I was responsible for them sinning.  I was in direct cahoots with the devil.  Maybe I WAS the devil.

After they wore themselves out being angry, they'd take a break, and when they came back, that was when it turned jovial.  Now, in time with what they were doing, they chanted, "Bang the devil OUT, bang the devil OUT", the whole time laughing at me, at their ability to have their way with a child who could not, would not, complain to any one or fight back.

Looking back, I know the whole demon thing was a sham.  They simply used what was available to them to excuse what they wanted to do.  At the time, I thought this was something I had to endure as a punishment for being so bad in god's eyes.  I was just that bad.  I deserved this.  god had made me good and pure and whole, and look what I had done with that.  I was hopeless.

*****

Yes.  I know.  Horrible.  I wept when I read it.  How could authority figures be so cruel to a child, using religion to further their sick desires?  But this wasn't the end of Liz's existence.  She kept pressing on, trying to find an answer to life.  Maybe Christian college?  We'll look at that chapter in Installment 6.

Pending Series: The Story of Elizabeth (Liz) Franklin

Out of the blue, a wonderfully dynamic woman contacted me.  She relayed a short version of her "life story" in the Allegheny Wesleyan Connection.  She told of how she endured physical, sexual, and spiritual abuse and came out on the other side.  The short version was simply spellbinding and I requested that she share the long version with me.

While growing up, she fostered some excellent personal qualities and later, when she was dramatically pulled out of the spiritual mess, used them to catapult her into a new joyful life.  I feel I hold a sort of kinship with her, being that one of the ways I would cope in my growing up years, was through the use of humor - lots of it.

I will be posting her riveting story in parts and we will see a dark side to accepting a fundamentalist view of Christianity and even learn a thing or two of how to cope.

One truism to watch for is the one or two people in Liz's life that were "there" for her and carried her on in her journey, allowing her to keep pressing on and not ending it all.  I send out a note of gratitude to you who did that.  You, my readers, and I will be better for it  - I guarantee it.  And I dare say, Liz is grateful too.

I hope you enjoy the series.