Tuesday, February 23, 2016

Letters from Mama: Son, You're Going to Go Blind

Mama says I'm going to go blind. But why I'm going to go blind is the most fascinating reason I've ever heard. I'll explain below.
You are very strong son.
Yay! She says I'm strong! Oh shit. Wait...a compliment from Mama precedes a slam.
In presentation. 
And there it is. I only APPEAR strong, due to how I present myself, positing my arguments and personality with great gusto. But really, I'm still her little son. A pipsqueak of a boy, needing to hang from her teat and learn at her dry and cracked feet.
 Mama then embarks on an highly patronizing few sentences, "teaching" me two things that I already know very well (which she knows, but pretends not to) - who the Apostle Paul was and what he did, and the same about John Newton, padded with a few folksy facts that are based in speculation and hyperbole.
I want to give you a heads up.
Oh goodie! She cares for me so much....
You are following the same path both Paul, and John Newton, did. (Jesus, Mama! The commas!!!!) The Paul who was Saul, and who wrote much of the New Testament of the Bible. The John Newton who hauled slaves on a ship, and wrote the song Amazing Grace.
Yes. I knew that about these two blokes. Carry on.
Both men persecuted those who took to themselves the love of Jesus the Christ.  
Ah. So, Mama, I'm persecuting you. Funny. I don't even speak to you and you to me. You send me a letter every few months (thank you, by the way...my readers LOVE them!) and that is it for contact. My militantly passive atheism sure has quite the effect on you - and, as we shall soon see, others, down the road. I feel so powerful! And what's up with the weird English? Just stop. Jesus.
And, after God took them off that path and set them on His own, both men suffered great loss of sight. Paul unto being unable to write except in very large letters, therefore needing helpers to write his epistles for him. And John  Newton ultimately unto going totally blind. Just thought you might care to know that. 
OMG! Thank you so much! I am so grateful for the warning! I shall cometh backeth to God-eth post haste!

Oh wait...something is wrong here.

First, Mama calls me strong...in presentation. Then she tells me I'm persecuting her and other Christians, just like Paul (who was Saul...remember???) and the John Newton, as if there were others. That "strong" comment is very purposeful here, because it sets up the last half of the paragraph. According to Mama, I will have no choice in the matter. God will simply choose to bring me back on HIS path, despite my best efforts to stay off of it. 

Oh...and he'll make me go blind. Gee. I can't wait. Please God. Take me back! Quickly! Seriously, though. What the fuck!? Why do people believe in this shit? Mama, as well as many Christians, actually think that that is love. Hurting someone in order to make them love you. But, in this case, making them love you - and STILL hurting them. Whatever, Mama.
Remember Paul threw into prison, and had executed, as many as he could corral who were following Christ? 
Um...sure? Mama? Will I throw people in prison for following Christ (whatever that means)?
And John  Newton took pleasure in spewing out of his mouth the filthiest words he could think of, about God, and in turning his shipmates away from belief in Christ?
Folktale, sure. But let me see if I can try this exciting thing. And if it works, taking people away from religion, I shall be happy-eth:

God is a dish. But not a dish like you would find in the cupboard, clean, spotless, nary a hardened drop of water gracing its lovely surface. Nay, God is a broken dish. One where the dish washer decided that the hardened filth of the meal from the night prior was too much, tossed it upon the ground, shattering it into a thousand pieces. Then, his followers pick up those pieces and glue them together with their words. Some pieces are missing, others haphazardly placed, some tossed into the garbage. And yet the dish is beautiful to some. Yet others bash it over the head of others, shattering it anew.

I think I failed, but whatever. Mama, you flatter me. I hold no influence. But I love people. And loving people is precisely the reason why I despise your god. He is an hateful asshole of the first degree. An asshole that will blind someone after he brings them back under his wing - just because. Anyway...let's continue.
You recognize that as the path you are on?
What? Killing people and throwing them in prison? Amazing others with my filthiest of words against a sky fairy? Sure, Mama. This murderous lout you call your son. I'll get right on that.
God has shown Himself as loving to capture those kind of men to accomplish His greatest works. Thought you might need to be reminded of that, too. : )
Right. And he blinded them.
love you, son, intensely, as a mother does, Mama
Mama. Go fuck yourself. You have no idea what love is.


  1. How can your mom say she loves you, yet treat you the way she did while you were growing up? I don't recall in recent past you asking for her advice, or "counsel" yet she feels the "need" to help you? SMH. Mama Sands... you are demented.

  2. Dear Mama Sands,
    If you want to reach your son's heart, you must start by being humble. Your letters should go something like this.
    "Dear son,
    I miss you. I acknowledge that I fell short being your mother, by not protecting you and loving you as I should have when you were growing up. Now that you are grown and gone, I respect your decisions in your life. I cannot, and will not, continue to control you, as I did when you were a child. I allow you your freedom to think for yourself and I will not impose my wrath, my judgement, my lessons on you any longer. From this day forward, I will only wish the best for you in whatever you endeavor, in hopes that someday we will be able to visit about your accomplishments in your life. Until then, please forgive me for all of my shortcomings as I learn to love unconditionally.
    Love (skip the "as only a mother does" because it implies that he is unlovable to anyone else) Mama

  3. What I never understand with fundamentalists is how they can claim that God makes those who are wicked go blind, and yet every single person on this earth, at some point, suffers. Christians of all denominations, Buddhists, Muslims, Jews... everyone suffers from cancers, and illness, and Alzheimers, and arthritis. Someday, your mother will likely be unable to control her bladder or perhaps her bowels. Will she actually repent for some sin she has convinced herself she has committed? How can a reasonable person say that illness is due to wickedness? Even small, innocent children suffer wickedness. Babies get leukemia. And then, furthermore, as you like to point out, how is it compelling to us non-believers when not only is terrible logic being used, but that logic is trying to convince us to follow a god who allows such suffering? It is delusional thinking to believe you can escape illness by being absolutely perfect. Doesn't being human itself mean being imperfect, according to the Bible? NOTHING LINES UP. How can you possibly win me over with these arguments if NOTHING LINES UP. It would be like giving my money to a dude with a bad story and a bad accent calling and asking for me to wire him some money and he'll make me a millionaire. There are still people who fall for that, sure, but I have to believe the normal, reasonable person never would because THE STORY DOESN'T LINE UP.

  4. I thought masturyouknowwhat made you go blind, not jesus

    1. Jesus loves you, but God is a tyrant and, unfortunately, is obligated to blind you when you inevitably return to him. It's sad, really. He can't "just say no."