Saturday, October 29, 2011

I Am on a Need to Know Basis

A friend at work mentioned to me the other day that a few of our colleagues were deeply religious.  Ten minutes later, I had listed all forty fellow employees' religious leanings.  Yes, every single employee!

Now, why would I know that information?  It's not like I make a point to extract it out of them over time.

As many of you already know, I grew up in an Independent Fundamental Baptist church that worshiped Bill Gothard and later, Vision Forum.  These organizations are very strict in their religious dogma and require that all members, friends of members, and everyone else (the lost - those that are destined to go to hell) adhere to the same.

In order to require adherence, these organizations emphasize, heavily, the education and training of their victims.  The victims need to understand the exact formulas for salvation and religion, which includes all life decisions.  Thus, just like the Amway representative sees all of his friends and everyone else as potential dollars, the IFB/BG/VF person sees everyone through their fundamental lense of religion.

And that is how I lived for nearly thirty years.

I actually cared what people believed.  It allowed me to slot others into their religious boxes and identify myself "correctly" amongst them.

I'm ready for a different classification.

What beer do you like?  No, not the brand - the type!

How about, do you enjoy mowing the lawn?  Yard work?  Do you care about weeds?  What about raking the leaves after they fall?

Yeah, that should begin a good new habit.

Classify away!


  1. I like to classify people by how easily and comfortably they can throw four-syllable words into everyday conversations. If you've got a big vocabulary and use it well, you're tops in my book. I guess that just makes me an intellectual snob instead of a religious one, but... well, isn't everyone snobby about something? Sports teams, off-the-grid-living, politics, educational pedigree, ....

  2. Theo, let's just say you got a glowing report. But, if you insist on specifics, I believe I revealed your Freemason/Wiccan/Scientology persuasion.

  3. I think at this point I classify folks by whether or not they cook for themselves. Clearly I am in a weird phase...

  4. I like the root beer. I don't have a lawn to mow, but I can pretend that I'd enjoy it. I actually love yard work, it's very entertaining to watch! I don't care about weeds: let 'em grow; maybe I'll end up liking them more than the other plants that I'm watching grow... if those aren't weeds themselves. Raking the leaves is great exercise, and a great excuse to be myself with the kids! :-D

    So, I suppose that'd make me a sober, mowing enthusiast wannabe, who loves to just watch life happen, as long as I get to join in with the kids who I can most relate to!

    In short, I'm a human being, just like anyone else!

  5. That's awesome, Amanda! Consider me one that does and can cook for myself.

  6. Muzach: Gosh durn it, you must fit into a simple classification. My needs depend on it!

  7. Sandra, by those standards, I'm an idiot. Or should I say, a muttonheaded nincompoop.