I'm Going to See a Urologist

I've been terribly non-existent here at Incongruous Circumspection. Part of that is due to my ambivalence about writing. That will pass, once my bride graduates from college and I have some time on my hands from our currently busy schedule (I'll keep lying to myself). But also, This year has been bloody horrendous for health issues. Nothing major yet, but every one of them causes me to think I'm dying (my wife will say that's nothing new).

So, on July 22nd at 3:15PM, I will be seeing a urologist about various issues I have been having (pun intended, sort of). Here are the top five things I expect them to discover:

1. Prostate cancer. Surgery will completely render my sexual function useless, leaving me an empty shell of a human being.

2. A brain tumor that fell through my neck cavity, bounced off my pelvic bone, and lodged onto the exterior of my stomach wall.

3. A permanently damaged liver from drinking an average of one fine brew a week.

4. Both kidneys, shutting down, with no hope of a donor, leaving me on dialysis for the rest of my short life.

and finally...

5. A disease, yet undiscovered, now named after me. 

While flattering, that's one thing I don't want in my eulogy.

I'll keep everyone posted and try to keep the dirty details as few as possible.

Love,

I. C.