Cartoon Child Pornography is Still Child Pornography

Let's begin with a principle about due process. A motive, in itself, cannot be prosecuted. The motive can lead us to the facts of a case, the facts being the things that convict us of a wrongdoing. But motives, in and of themselves, are not always prosecutable (poetic license).

Now, let's get a bit more theoretical. IF I indeed have a motive to commit a crime - and yet I don't - that motive doesn't make me a criminal. But it DOES indicate the sort of person I am. If I DO commit a crime, that motive can be pointed to in order to prove that I indeed committed the crime or to indicate what the severity of my punishment should be. If I never commit that crime, yet I had the motive, nobody will be the wiser, and I can live life as if nothing is amiss.

Onward to child pornography.

If you're attracted to children in a sexual way, there is nothing that you can tell me that will alleviate my disgust for you, as I indicated in my last salvo at this sordid community. I still find you to be a "disgusting, vile pig." To look at a child and think ANY thoughts of sexual gratification for yourself is sick.

So, when you write to me and say the following, Anonymous commenter, I have no sympathy or regard for your needs:

Watching animated child porn is the only way to do it without facing legal action. You can't blame us for finding a safe alternative.

You DO have a point. There is nothing illegal in looking at naked cartoons of a child. That is correct, though a fine line can be drawn at HOW cartoonish the picture actually is. But, the mere fact that you need to view naked children for a sexual release is where I, as a father of six beautiful children, draw the line.

No. I CAN and WILL blame you for finding a safe alternative. Why?

Because the day you decide to act on your urges in real life is the day I don't care one hill of beans for your existence.

I Get Goog'ed: Clifford Porn Is Still All the Rage

Every. Single. Day, without fail, I get Googled for Clifford porn.  Today the term was:

red dog nude

I need to let my casual readers in on a little secret.  Once and for all, I am not part of this sordid subculture.  I have no interest in seeing a nude dog.  I thought they were always nude, anyway.  Even creepier are the Google hits where they are obviously looking for Emily Elizabeth in the nude.

Two things...

1. It's a bloody cartoon.

2. (offensive language ahead....) She's a FUCKING child!!!!!!

Now stop it.  Do NOT read my blog if that's what you're looking for.  I don't want you as a reader.  Go away.  Rest your sick beady eye balls somewhere else.  Get some help.  Put your kids up for adoption.  Tell your spouse about your problem.  You must stop ... NOW!

For all my other readers, I have written about Clifford.  I'm kind of an expert.

- Showing off my knowledge of doggie turds

- Sharing my expertise on Clifford's skin, following an interview with Emily Elizabeth

- Wherein I go all ape-shit on this sordid subculture - again...

Emily Elizabeth is a Little Girl, You Vile Disgusting Pigs

God dammit!  You disgusting, vile creatures.  How in the hell do you think this blog props 
up your sick mind?  Are you f*cking kidding me?

Someone hit Incongruous Circumspection today with the following search:

"clifford having sex with emily"

You do realize that you're not only looking for child pornography, albeit in cartoon form, 
but you're searching for child pornography with bestiality involved.  

Get some help.

Clifford is ALWAYS Nude

Ok.  To the person who arrived here by Googling:

"Clifford big red dog nude pics"

Dogs are always nude. Unless, of course, they wear those stupid knit sweaters in the middle of New York City or when they have million dollar tutus on inside some claustrophobic handbag meant for a rat the size of a five star restaurant meat ball.

Anyway, I haven't written much about Clifford naked.  I haven't written much about ANY dog naked, for that matter.  I simply thought it was a given.  At least it kinda is here, in the Midwest.

We don't shave our dogs to the skin, either.  Maybe that's what you wanted.  In that case, I have some confidential information that Emily Elizabeth has allowed me to share with you, oh Googler.

Clifford's skin is blue.

Now that you are more enlightened, here is what I wrote on Clifford, the Big Red Dog.

Happy Googling!

How Does Emily Elizabeth Clean Up Clifford's Poops?

Clifford, The Big Red Dog, looks to have the body make-up of a lab.  Every time a lab poops, the pile could be molded into the exact shape of their back leg.  That's a lot of fecal matter!

Now, imagine Clifford.  A pile the size of his back leg - once a day!  Emily Elizabeth is quite small, Mrs. Howard is too nice, and Mr. Howard is cranky and gets surprised easily.  I can't see any of them being able to shovel the stuff on a regular basis.

Say they were able to at least shovel it up?  Where would they put it then?  In the trash?  They would need a large dumpster for their weekly garbage service.  I would think they would be better off contracting with a farmer to come and scoop the turds up and disc it into his fields.  Assuming the Howard family lives close to a rural community, this would be a good compromise.

Still, that solution doesn't address what to do with the poops while Clifford is out for a walk.  In every book, Clifford goes somewhere.  Most of the time, it's an all day affair.  He goes to the fire station.  He heads off to the pool.  He has hiccups and goes to the vet.  Where does he poop?  Emily Elizabeth cannot stuff a plastic grocery bag in her back pocket and expect to grab the steamy stuff up with her gloved hand.  Does she take a shovel and a wheelbarrow with her?  I never see one in the pictures.

I need to know the answer to this question.  No, my KIDS need to know the answer.  Once we have been sufficiently satisfied, we can move on to the subject of Clifford's thrice per day, rivers of pee.