Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Authorized KJV Only Through the Eyes of Kellogg's Corn Flakes

The year was 1894.  A man stood at a pot of boiling wheat kernels.  He had been working day and night at a simple task.  The president of the United States of America had issued a decree, requiring this man to create a breakfast cereal that was the alternative to the only available breakfast gruel of the period - Quaker Oats Oatmeal.

The problem with Quaker Oats Oatmeal was that it did not conform to the tastes of the political leaders of the day.  Oatmeal was readily available and thus did not have an "I'm manufactured in the United States of America, under the decree of the honorable President" air about it.  This was necessary to maintain the governmental structures that our founding fathers had so carefully crafted. A new alternative with that stamp would keep their citizenry in line, as well as send the message to the rest of the world that this form of government had its merits, founded in the most basic lifeblood of mankind - the breakfast cereal.

So, here stood this one man, working up a sweat, trying different ideas, scribbling notes on a few rough sheets of paper, consulting his hordes of experts, and taking each creation to the Oval Office for approval.

On this fateful evening, his aunt called.  This woman was his favorite relative.  She lived in the south and had many a story about post-war colonial America.  This man left the kitchen and joined her in the parlor to catch up on family news and events.  Time flew by as they spoke.  At one point in the conversation, a young employee came up to this man and whispered in his ear.  He informed him that the pot of boiling wheat kernels was, in fact, still boiling, and what should he do about it.  Realizing his error - the fact that he needed to have paid careful attention to the time the boiling began, the size of the bubbles on the surface, as well as the rate of effervescence on the bottom of the pot - this man jumped up and went back into the kitchen to remove this errant test and throw it away.

He quickly noticed that the wheat kernels had softened considerably and when rolled, ended up flat as a silver dollar.  Then, when dried, the "flakes" became a crunchy, full flavored, treat.  After a bit of fine-tuning, Kellogg's Corn Flakes were ready for presidential approval. And approve he did.

This was exactly what the president was looking for.  All of his reasons for this project would be realized once the world got their hands on this American wonder.  And he was right.

Kellogg's Corn Flakes swept the world.  Quaker Oats Oatmeal became a distant second choice for all those persons that broke their nightly fast in the morning.  Even so, oatmeal, especially this brand, was still well loved and used by many.

It didn't take long for the copycats to come out of the woodwork.  Companies like General Mills created their own version of breakfast cereal in the form of a small doughnut of oats.  Kellogg even introduced a new cereal called Rice Krispies in 1929.  Small and less well known cereal companies began popping up all over the world with their own cereals, sometimes a version of the original Kellogg's Corn Flakes, at other times, cereals that reflected the region's tastes, while staying true to the founding principles of what made a good cold cereal - crunchy and full flavored.

Then, Kellogg took a hit.  High sugar content cereal was introduced into the market by a competitor.  Almost immediately, the world took notice.  Children began clamoring for this new phenomenon and parents responded.  Kellogg's Corn Flakes' share of the market began to wane, and wane quickly.  Something needed to be done.

 A small contingent of the American Strict Diet Society formed a Kellogg's Corn Flakes Only Chapter.  They published a document in 1932 extolling the benefits of Kellogg's Corn Flakes, even rejecting the new Rice Krispies.  The group then began to proselytize this concept to all who would listen.  Their message, as a group, was very exclusionary and their tactics would cause two hard reactions - religious acceptance or vehement rejection with a raised eyebrow.

The Kellogg's Corn Flake Only Society, as they now had separated from the ASDS due to their hard line, gained a following that still exists under many different names today.  Their message found its way into the culture of humanity and the legalistic approach to the morning meal is part of an unquestioned dogma in many families.

A quick Google search will reveal that the above historical record is pretty much a load of crap.  But it does illustrate the point I am about to make:

The Authorized King James Version of the Bible was ordered to be written by King James I of England.  He needed a translation that fit the dogma of the Church of England while making sure that the authority of the clergy was preserved.  Yes, let me repeat:  ...while the authority of the clergy was preserved! (Daniell, David (2003). The Bible in English: its history and influence. New Haven, Conn: Yale University Press. ISBN 0300099304)

Another point that needs to be made is that ALL 47 members of the team that worked on this translation were also members of the Church of England.  Can anyone say "agenda".

Here's my question to you: How is it that the Authorized King James Version of the Holy Bible, which was ordered written by King James for the Church of England by the Church of England to promote the Church of England and furthermore, to persist the teachings of the Church of England, does a contingent of Christianity swear by the version's authenticity, correctness, and even singular reliable theopneustos?  The irony is that pretty much ALL of those groups that preach the KJV Only doctrine are 'separationists'.

Think about it over a bowl of Captain Crunch.


  1. Can I have a couple eggs, sunnyside up, with a side of smoked swine, and a piece of toast with the image of Jesus in it?

    Isn't it funny that the high standards crowd just love their translation that was ordered by a homosexual king and written down by a group of greedy and corrupt (mostly) priests?

    How on earth does anyone in this world get saved who cannot speak nor read English, and therefore miss out on the holy and perfect KJV1611?

  2. Interesting point. Really takes the wind out of the sails of all the super dee dooper technical manuscripty arguments.

  3. Enjoyable read. The president must have been from the North because the South always have their grits - no oatmeal and certainly no cereal! And about the KJV, Jill, the purists say that translations into other languages have to start from the KJV. Makes one wonder what people did before 1611 - wring their hands and curse Gutengberg?

  4. Yep. The President was a Yankee. Wasn't Gutenberg that dude who made all them goofy contraptions that you set up to catch a mouse?

  5. Gotta say...Very creative way to make an excellent point. Nice piece.

  6. Goldberg. Gutenberg was the printing press.

  7. One of the most amazing things is that God has preserved his word over thousands of years. Christians gave their lives to translate and print the Bible in the language of the people. I do not understand why people would think that he would stop doing that after 1611. I have not studied the history of the KJV so I am not an authority on how it was written or by whom but they used the means they had at the time and wrote a translation in the language of the day. I have heard of KJV only missionaries who are translating the KJV into another language because they feel that the non-KJV on is flawed.
    They don't feel that people can be saved or grow using anything else. I am glad that the spirit of God is not so limited!!! While I can appreciate and enjoy the beautiful language and flow of the KJV, for my devotions and Bible study, I am thankful for and love my ESV.

  8. I really enjoy the ESV, as well. Sometimes, the KJV seems a bit confusing, at which time, the ESV clarifies. I like to use several translations at a time, as well as doing Greek/Hebrew word studies with my wife. Not to mention, the leading of the Holy Spirit, who alone knows his true word.