I Want to Write a Book

Every bone in my body aches to write a book.  I first got this burning when I went to a chat by Ander Monson, who has a really cool website, by the way.  He read my Creative Writing class a few of his essays and I was hooked.  I wrote this piece as my report of the Works Reading.


My problem is, I have no idea what to write about.  I've started writing a few children's books, only to discover that the plot had been done already - and better.  I wrote one about the yawn heard around the zoo and then discovered that their was a book out there about the yawn heard around the world, with really sweet illustrations.


Then, I wanted to write a novel about a small town.  But, by the second chapter, there were dozens of characters and about that many plot lines.  It was more like a speed dating style soap opera than a novel.  One cool aspect of that book was that the town mail carrier went out on Christmas Eve and dropped off an apple pie in every mailbox that his plump wife (who always wore blue) would spend several days baking.  I quickly bored of the plot.


I have had great ideas.  I wanted to write a diet book.  It was going to be based on the cycles of the moon.  New moon - eat your heart out.  Steak, eggs, high fat foods with plenty of sugar and carbohydrates.  Full moon - drink plenty of water and eat mostly salads, clear liquids, and a small amount of dried fruit and nuts.  I was going to have fake doctors lining up in white suits, touting the benefits of the diet.  The diet was going to cure the common cold, regulate the unregulated menstrual cycles, relieve back pain, and of course, the mother of all diet benefits, flush out those nebulous toxins.


I couldn't stomach the imaginary lawsuits.  Not to mention, I would have to write it with a pen name so I could be a legitimate author in the future.  I imagine there is nothing worse than having a blacklisted bulls eye, square on my book submissions to every agent in the business.  So, naturally, that idea bit the dust.


I started this blog to relieve the pressure in my head.  As you can see, Incongruous Circumspection is supposed to be about the following:

"The intersection of life, religion, politics, stupidity, family life, dreams, goals, history, reflections, essays, college, and much much more. Fasten your safety latches...you're in for the time of your life!"

THAT is a high calling.  Putting on a different hat every time I sit down to type with my lousy two fingers. 


First of all, I have a day job, so writing takes a back seat unless, as I usually do, I stay up until 3AM hacking out a post or two, to get up a few hours later, go to work, and start the process all over.  Another issue is that I wrote a post in response to another commenter on another blog and since then, all I have really written about is patriarchy and where I am in my religious walk.


I do love writing the fluff pieces but I feel as if I write them for my kids and my trophy wife alone.  They enjoy them immensely, except for the few times where my wife does that little adorable twitch of her cheek, jiggles her eyebrows up and down in a flash, and then tells me it is good.  I end up dumping those posts.


I wrote about politics a few times and then got bored.  I despise all the polarization involved in it and ended up writing stuff that seemingly nobody cared about.  The content incited several long responses but I felt they were mostly regurgitated talking points and quickly lost interest.  I'm mostly a libertarian fiscally, and quite liberal and ultra-conservative socially.  And yes, I only mix those two because my positions line up very logically in my mind, but both polarized camps have claimed certain carved out positions for their own, identifying themselves by those litmus tests.


Most of all, I just love writing to an audience.  I want people to smile, tear up, cry inconsolably, weep, laugh, giggle, throw their head back and laugh (my dad does that), and not get angry.  I hate inciting anger, unless I'm very angry myself.  I would rather everyone just agreed with me.


I guess this is all leading to a few questions.  What do you like most about my writing?  What should I hone?  Do I need to tone down a bit...or step it up?   Should I do more research on what I write about?  If I were to write a book, what subject would I shine in?  Or, just give me your thoughts.


I thank all my 12 readers in advance.