Monday, March 5, 2012

Your Sins Are Forgiven, Now Take Your Clothes Off

Good.  You're most likely reading this because the title drew you in and you are convinced I am off my rocker.  Now, while I wouldn't mind at all if roughly half the population followed my "rhema", "eureka", "Word from the Lord", or whatever you want to call it, I'm simply being facetious.  Bear with me while I explain.

Adam and Eve sinned in Genesis 3.  They ate the cumquat fruit that was forbidden and it says their eyes were opened, meaning they realized something - they were naked as the noonday sun.  Oddly, nakedness had no meaning to them until they disobeyed God, who tempted them, even though he doesn't tempt mankind, until they sinned.  Thus they frantically sewed hula skirts together with fiberglass rope and created the first Scottish kilts for men.

When God came back to the garden, knowing everything, and yet not being able to find Adam and Eve, he cursed all he could find to curse and then made proper pantaloons for Adam, and a pastel blue, triple breasted, plain dress for Eve.  Adam was also given a button-down, long-sleeved shirt with crisscrossed threads clasping the collar shut, in lieu of a button.  For undergarments, Adam was allowed to wear none whereas fashioned for Eve was a burlap petticoat and large elastic granny undies.  Adam was allowed to go barefoot but Eve wore wooden clod shoes with pointed toes.

Then, the two were whisked out of the garden and made to live in misery until their death.  Unfortunately for them, all humans were cursed with sin.  Obviously, it had to be that way, being that any human being, when told NOT to touch something, doesn't even give that forbidden thing a second thought.  Thus, Adam and Eve were exceptionally sinful and we had to bear the stupidity of the first humans.  If only God had done a better job of creating the first humans. 

I know I would have slapped my rebellious wife if she had offered me the cumquat.  Then, what would have happened?  Only women would have been sinful?  Or, God would have offed Eve (or allowed Adam to) and then created woman from a second rib, leaving men with two fewer ribs than women, rather than just one?

Anyway, let's move forward.

So, man was all dirty and unrighteous and could do nothing to get all clean and righteous.  Lo and behold, along comes this guy named Jesus, God's son according to a gospel or two and not according to other gospels.  He dies on the cross to take away the sin of the world.  Some say we have to believe in that, while others say it was completed for all, so just live in the moment (or was that a 50's rocker?).  Still others claim that God only picks a few people that he likes and allows them to have a free pass to heaven while the others have to burn in hell for eternity.

Whichever camp you pick, or better yet, if you're lucky enough to be born into the right camp, you come out on the other side of the sins forgiven at the cross part, smelling like a rose.  You have no more sin!

Adam and Eve sinned in the garden and had to wear clothes.  Your sins are now forgiven - forever - which obviously means clothing is optional.  No, not optional...wearing nothing is the sign of a righteous person!

So take off your clothes and enjoy your righteousness.

Now, back to reality.  You, reader who still reads something and does not think before you accept.  Yep.  You, the follower of Bill Gothard, Doug Phillips, anything quiverfull or patriarchal, heck, any school of thought, for that matter, religious or otherwise.  Don't stop asking why.  It isn't wrong to ask questions.  To inquire as to where any basis of truth originated from.  A leader or teacher is never infallible or inerrant.  People do get things wrong and many follow them.

I trust you.  Now put your clothes back on.




  1. i love this post!! i'm actually more secure content & @ peace in my "righteousness"/forgiveness. it helps me feel more free to risk being transparent, open to do the right thing, and not ashamed about doing it. that is. taking my clothes off. being intimate. being who i am which is different than you.

  2. I like you tone but we all know God could have found Adam and Eve, he was just playing hide and seek the way you play hide and seek with a three year old who loudly shouts after you finish counting: "Don't come find me!"

    I have been set free from dresses by the power of Jesus and my husband has been set free from pants, so he wears sarongs when it is hot They are quite cool and comfortable and all the men in Indonesia can't be wrong.

  3. Awesome! Let me put it this way:

    You get to pick where I am being facetious. The post was intended to be light and airy.

  4. I'm sorry to dispute your word but, since I was there, this is how it really went down:

    The snake came to Eve and said "How would you like some crackers and peanut butter?" And Eve wondered what that was so the snake said, "I have some crackers and I know where God keeps his peanut butter". So he took Eve and she partook of crackers and peanut butter and she shared with Adam and between them the cleaned out God's supply of peanut butter.
    A while later God went to get some peanut butter for His crackers and low, there was no peanut butter to be had and he was sore distressed and he shouted "Who has partaken of MY peanut butter 'til there's not a smidgen left????"
    Well of course Adam and Eve confessed and God said, "You're out of here. If I can't trust you to leave at least a smidgen or a smote of peanut butter for me to partake of you're gone.
    And that's when God invented overalls. Overalls is what Adam and Eve wore when being cast from the garden but God forgot about T-shirts and Eve looked ever so sexy in overalls without a T-shirt . . . and that's when all the begatting began.
    And that's the TRUTH 'cause I was there and witnessed the whole thing.

  5. I'm very sorry. I need proof. Answer this question, and I will be sold:

    Was it JIF or Skippy?

  6. Hmmm. Well I see how you're going to be . . . a doubting incongruous, eh?
    So, if you must know, it was MaraNatha Organic No Stir Crunchy Peanut Butter, happy now?

  7. Maybe. My inside information says that God likes Creamy. But, I will admit, that this informant may be a bit biased toward his own likes and dislikes.

    I guess I'm in then.