Monday, July 9, 2012

Dougy Boy Elevates Food to Spiritual Status

Dougy Boy is off his rocker again.  This time, he wants to grab the headlines of the fundamentalist community by claiming expertise in the area of food.

Food and its close cousin, health, is a very important subject in fundamentalism.  At any church, you can find an old lady guru who knows everything about the body.  Oh, you have Lyme Disease?  Grab a bottle of lavender oil and spread it on the rash.  Asthma!?  Easy.  Fill a pot with boiling water, drop a bunch of soft mullen leaves in, and then breathe in the steam.  Strain out leaves and drink the tea.  But, nothing in life will be sane unless you own and run at least seven church lady approved ozone machines throughout your home.

But Dougy isn’t satisfied with the ole’ church lady guru – yes, Betty Funk from Normandale Baptist Church in Bloomington, Minnesota, I’m thinking of you – fondly of course.  He wants to be the man.  So, he is gathering a bunch of “professionals” in the area of…um…food, and making a conference of it.

In his absurdly worded prayer petition where he claims food issues is the “elephant in the room” (he uses elephant three times in one sentence, looks back over it, then changes “elephant” in the next sentence to “pachyderm”…how do I know this?  I just do.  I know how people think when they write.  You can tell when they Google something too.), Dougy says,

“Once more we walk into the breach of controversy, this time by addressing a very difficult subject fraught with inherent challenges, not the least of which are the potential of error from confusion, extremism, trendism, indifference, apathy, and worse—theological heresy.”

Wow.  Food is a theological issue people.  In fact, it’s so theological, you can be heretical about it.  Sure, he addresses the problem in fundamentalism where diet is a test of fellowship, which is a real problem, but then he turns right around and says,

“[we aspire to battle]…the error of those Christians who believe it improper to even articulate a biblical basis for a theory of food and the family”

If you know the organization of Vision Forum, you are required to be in lock step with whatever Dougy and his cronies dream up to be deemed as spiritual enough to be living a holy life.  Dougy is pretending that he cares about the “test of fellowship” problem when, in reality, he perpetuates it.

Then, D. Boy goes on to describe the problem further,

“We gather to battle statism, Marxism and the last fifty years of man-centered manipulation of the food supply, contrary to both wisdom and applicable biblical precepts. We gather to battle the assault on the family table and the once robust Christian household culture, …radical egalitarianism and individualism, the tyranny of entertainment addiction and technological overload, and the poverty of the fast-food lifestyle”

All that from food, Dougy Boy?  Really? 

I see Dougy now, sitting out in a field, on his knees, praying for God to grow a plant.  Seriously, how can agriculture not be man-centered?  Since the 1800’s, the world has learned to grow food exponentially better than their ancestors and yields have increased so dramatically, we can do things like feed the world’s poor, use crops for alternative fuels, lessen the effects of famine and drought, create hardier crops to be able to grow them in historically off-limits growing zones, along with many more societal benefits.

But, of course, that’s not his point.  Everything evil in life, according to Dougy and his ilk, stems from the breakdown of the family – an epidemic he has created in his follower’s heads.  As many young people are finding out now, his rules and guilt trips run them far away from the judgmentalism that is his ideal lifestyle.  Many families that follow his stupid ideas are being ripped apart at the seams.  Parents are rejecting their “backslidden” children and young adults are moving on without their love and support.  Many of them are hurt – which Dougy defines as “bitter” so his sheep can look the other way in pompous, arrogant piety.

Dougy finishes off with a flare,

“…we aspire to rekindle the vision for food and family culture as a God-appointed tool for transforming culture and restoring the family to its place of influence in the lives of the next generation”

Gawrsh!  How many god-appointed tools do we need?  He already has sex, modesty, female insubordination, church vision, family, baby squirting factories, home births, midwifery, spanking, single income families, voting restricted to males, and on and on.

In truth, this new thrust of Dougy’s (sorry, he probably has banned the word “thrust” from his book of holy words) is simply another way to exercise total control over his followers.  Worse than that, it is simply another way for his sheep to deem themselves superior to the evil bastards they find themselves forced to cohabitate with in this fleeting life.

You know who I’m talking about, Dougy.  The little bastards who grow your food so you can sell crap in your Vision Forum store and not lift a finger to a plow.

Have a popsicle, Dougy Boy.


  1. a true shepherd leads their sheep to green pastures. His sheep have to stay in the zone and eat elephants

  2. And here I thought I was free to eat anything sold in the marketplace because my God says it is clean. Guess God is wrong, and I'm meant to buy another book and follow another regime. Such a shame, 'cause I kinda like this grace thing. Kinda sold out to it, no money for useless drivel left. I also like my common sense.

  3. If it weren't for the crop industry across the world, he wouldn't have anything to sell on his site. What a hypocrite. To me, this is just another way to line his coffers. Create a need where there isn't one and then capitalize on it in the name of God.

  4. It seems to line up well with his other philosophies; another way to make sure those ladies stay in the kitchen;)