Saturday, June 2, 2012

How to Spiritually Abuse Your Children in Three Steps

Step One - Repeatedly teach them something that the rest of society would find weird, "out there", or flat-out offensive.

Step Two - Tell them that the negative reaction of the "rest of the world" proves that the above "something" is true and must be adhered to even more rabidly.

Step Three -
When people undoubtedly are offended or weirded out by your child's professed beliefs, use this as proof the outside world is full of hateful people who can never be trusted.

Step Four (Optional) - Find others that agree with the "something" in Step One and spend as much time as possible with them, cutting off all meaningful contact with the rest of society.

This isn't really a guidebook for those that are seeking out a way to spiritually abuse their children.  What it is, though, is a manual for you to spot the warning signs of those young people that need to be rescued.


I. C.


  1. I don't know if Step 3 is really a step--I mean, you really can't *prove* most of the dogma that abuses. You just *think* it has been proved by sheer repetition and variation of Step 1 and 2.

  2. Prove it = put Step Two to the test. If you're weird enough, the proof will be obvious.

    Come on though! I need three steps. Two isn't a sermon. You know that.

  3. Ah! Glad you clarified, I didn't get Step 3.

    It reminds me of when I was taking Psychology in university, and we covered a psychologist who taught his children as infants that yes meant no and that no meant yes (or maybe it was right/left - something like that). The idea was to then send them out into the world and see how the false knowledge gets corrected by the broader society. It was deemed child abuse and his children were taken from him.

    Even more interesting is that we studied this case in the same section where we looked at a family who kept their daughter locked up in the basement her entire life and never spoke to her or taught her any kind of social interaction. The idea being that teaching your kids false knowledge similarly impairs their ability to function in the real world, and is therefore a form of abuse.

  4. Growing up in a cult, I'd clarify step 3 as "When people undoubtedly are offended or weirded out by your chlid's professed beliefs, use this as proof the outside world is full of hateful people who can never ever be trusted."

  5. You have an add for a muslim dating service in the side bar....

  6. I know quite a few kids like this. What can one do for them? Slip them one's phone number and say, "Call me when you're 18, I'll teach how to live in the real world"?

    1. If you ever have a chance to babysit them, treat them like human beings. This won't do much to mitigate the effects of the abuse, but they will remember you and may even trust you when it comes down to it. I was not raised religious, but many of my teachers abused me, and I remember the teachers who treated me like a human being positively even though their actions did little to mitigate the abuse. That is certainly better than no help at all, or the "help" their caretakers are giving them.

  7. I think for my dad step 1 is: Take scripture out of context to support your agenda. 2: Assert that God is behind every personal opinion you have, when step 2 is not adhered to use step 3: Mention that an adults word should be reverenced like the word of God and that any displeasure you cause them will cause you to be a. swallowed by the ground b. struck down with a heart attack or c. mauled by bears(all biblical examples that seem to strike the horror chord in children). Then beat them mercilessly, control their every action, and criticize them constantly for good measure. Last of all you must treat church members nicely. To confuse your children into thinking there is hope for you.

  8. Steps 2 and 3 are surprisingly common among Christian fundamentalists. Anything criticism of their beliefs, no matter how valid, is dismissed with, "Jesus said that we would be persecuted by the world."