What My Kids Want for Christmas

I took my bride on a date and came up with a few Christmas present ideas for our six squirts. But our minds drew blanks as we stared into each others eyes, degrading into passionate kissing in the booth. Hey! We got a free drink out of the deal!

So, tonight, with Kristine on a plane back from The Big Easy, I plied the kids with hot chocolate and then begged them to tell me what they wanted for Christmas. Here was their list:

Renaya (11):

• A phone
• Wii Go Vacation game
• A gun (she wants to go hunting with her best friend)
• No clothes...except for maybe jeans (she was VERY adamant about this)
• Walkie Talkies for her and her best friend (this is her second choice, if she doesn't get a phone)
• A baby alligator (her mommy went to New Orleans and posed with one in the swamps...not sure what she'll do when the bloody thing grows up)
• Modeling clay (and possibly a kiln)

Laura (10):

• A gun
• Barbies (when I told her she had hundreds (the kids use them as bath toys), she switched this to clothes for Barbies)
•  Jeans
• A Kindle (originally, she wanted a Nook, but they serve Starbucks at Barnes and Nobles, the original owner of the brand, and David Barton says that drinking Starbucks is treasonous to America, so I was forced to steer her clear of anything connected to them)
• A wristwatch
• Modeling clay

Fred (8):

• A gun
• Authentic army clothes and gear (including a real knife, Nerf guns (not sure why the knife is real but not the guns), a hat, a jacket, shirt, pants, socks, and boots. He was very careful to list everything.)
• iPad
  

 Felicity (6):

• Backpack
• Bubble gum
• Shirt with a cat on it (pointing to her chest)
• Dance lessons (with a microphone so she can practice)
• Face painting set

Jack (4):

• A race car set

Then Jack stared straight ahead and began to cry. I asked him what was wrong and he wailed:

 I don't know anything eeeeeelse!

 D'awwwwwww....


Analisse (3):

• A present
• iPad

I'll also try and give them a better dad.